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Patterns that lead to domestic violence

By Greg Cornwell 31 May 2016 22

The Jacka residence in which the boy was killed in February.

The ACT Government has released three reports upon domestic and family violence. They are comprehensive complex documents which highlight the need for much greater cooperation between the many agencies addressing this serious social problem.

Please note there is nothing new about this violence. People, mainly women, have been walking into doors for years and showing the bruises of the ‘accident’. It is only recently society has, rightly, recognised the issue and sought to do something about it. These three local reports are steps in the right direction.
Worthy as these and other moves are to deal with the scourge, I have yet to see any attempt to address why this problem occurs and why it appears to be increasing.

The rise in incidents can be put down to more publicity and encouragement for victims to speak up knowing there are now avenues of assistance available. However the increase in reporting also shows the extent of the matter and we still don’t know why it occurs.

Much domestic violence arises from drug or alcohol issues, but aren’t these results rather than reasons? Do feelings of inadequacy lead (mainly males) to seek solace in these dependents thus bringing out a dark side?
But even with inadequacy we should dig deeper. Is this worthlessness because as a husband and father they cannot provide for their family as they would like to? Expectations are often so high today: home, career, future, people don’t always realise how much effort is required, even without the added encumbrances of high financial demands and young children.

Personal relationships are disappointing. The rosy courtship gives way to the reality of marriage and children before couples are either emotionally or economically on their feet. Immaturity and adjustment to changed social circumstances (not going out with the boys/girls for drinks).

Culture shock, poor housekeeping/cooking skills and an inability to handle money can feature in dissatisfaction leading to antisocial behaviour.

Power and the desire to dominate have also been cited, perhaps from workplace frustrations and cases where men believe they are downtrodden by women in general.

There may have been a realisation too that a promising future is not going to develop, that they are stuck in a dull existence, possibly explains why domestic violence takes time to develop as the situation gradually becomes clearer.

Maybe there is family history and mental health issues and how much do contemporary standards play a part, particularly as shown by impossible advertising lifestyles: the young attractive wife, handsome husband, pigeon pair children, cuddly family dog and spotless modern house – an attractive dream for vulnerable couples.
Then there is perceived neglect where the husband now finds his wife also is a mother and her priorities have changed leading to jealousy and tragedies, often in young de facto relationships.

We welcome the reports, the publicity and increased help being offered to victims but even if the examples above are part of the explanation for domestic violence we still haven’t sought and thus addressed all of the reasons why it occurs.

Pictured above is the Jacka home in which 8-year-old Bradyn Dillon was found gravely injured in February this year. The boy died of his injuries, and his father, Graham Dillon, was charged with his murder, sparking an ACT Government inquiry into system responses to family violence. Photo: Charlotte Harper

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Patterns that lead to domestic violence
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HenryBG 12:15 pm 05 Jun 16

Birdie said :

So – please show me the stats and the studies and I’ll believe you. In the meantime, like I said – i live and breathe this everyday – myself and my large circle of single mums in similar situations. Please tell me where you get your evidence and generalisations from?

Your logical fallacy is – Argument from Personal Experience. (Which is really an Argument by Anecdote).

And asking us to prove that single parent families are greatly more likely to produce criminals is like asking us to prove the world isn’t flat – it is common knowledge that single parent families are very strongly correlated with all sorts of problems including crime and under-achievement in children.

Birdie said :

please explain again, with evidence, how we contribute to poor outcomes in our kids when we become a low income single parent family NOT BY CHOICE

Your logical fallacy here is the Strawman Argument.

I don’t think there is any difference in the outcomes for children of single parents if the parent did or did not choose to raise a child alone.

If you are addressing the negative aspects of single parenthood that create handicaps for children, then presumably you’re doing the right thing.

John Howard’s mother was a single mum, and he has managed to avoid stealing cars and dealing drugs.

The issue isn’t that single parents are bad people, the issue is that single parenthood on average imposes a very large burden on society, in a variety of ways.

dungfungus 12:13 pm 04 Jun 16

cea075 said :

Wow – so many generalisations – I’m amazed I’m still alive and am not a psychokilier or anything.

I am the product of a single mother, who didn’t work. I graduated from high school as the dux in French, with my mother encouraging my love of languages and the social sciences in history and the like. I graduated from uni with a degree in economics. I met and married a wonderful man, had a child and lived an extraordinarily lucky life.

But tragedy struck. I’m now a single mum too. I was suddenly widowed at the age of 40 after a 20 year marriage. But I work hard to raise my young son to be respectful, kind and to be the best he can be.

I’m so scared because based upon the comments below…. it appears my son and I will become an abuser because we’ve grown up in a single parent family (although my circumstance is NOT BY CHOICE).

We will both become criminals (Gosh – hope that doesn’t affect my security clearance)

It’s not ok for me to raise my child alone (someone – please get me another husband… quick! pronto! Just think of the children… pulllllleeeaaaasssseeeeeeee.)

I mean, if I don’t get me a man soon, then my son is going to grow up to become a serial killer. Just look at that compelling evidence given in this thread – the Port Arthur gunman’s dad died – and he went on just a few years later to become our nation’s worst mass murderer.

And…my son is not going to know where the social boundaries are because he only has a mother to raise him. Oh that poor child. What will become of him?

OMG – do I just hand us both into the police now for the future crimes we are likely to commit, ala Minority Report?

I feel so depressed reading totally and utterly unfounded and misguided comments like some of these. Unless you’ve lived it, then please refrain from making such statements.


PS – Dear Male Readers – since I’m going to need a new husband real soon before I turn bad, please send me private messages directly to me with your marriage proposal. I’m only doing this to make the world a safer place for us all to live in.

PPS – The only girl I knew who ‘got herself pregnant’ in high school came from a lovely, respectable, two parent family. How did that happen? Go figure???

“‘got herself pregnant’ ”
That’s biologically impossible.

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