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Patterns that lead to domestic violence

By Greg Cornwell 31 May 2016 22

The Jacka residence in which the boy was killed in February.

The ACT Government has released three reports upon domestic and family violence. They are comprehensive complex documents which highlight the need for much greater cooperation between the many agencies addressing this serious social problem.

Please note there is nothing new about this violence. People, mainly women, have been walking into doors for years and showing the bruises of the ‘accident’. It is only recently society has, rightly, recognised the issue and sought to do something about it. These three local reports are steps in the right direction.
Worthy as these and other moves are to deal with the scourge, I have yet to see any attempt to address why this problem occurs and why it appears to be increasing.

The rise in incidents can be put down to more publicity and encouragement for victims to speak up knowing there are now avenues of assistance available. However the increase in reporting also shows the extent of the matter and we still don’t know why it occurs.

Much domestic violence arises from drug or alcohol issues, but aren’t these results rather than reasons? Do feelings of inadequacy lead (mainly males) to seek solace in these dependents thus bringing out a dark side?
But even with inadequacy we should dig deeper. Is this worthlessness because as a husband and father they cannot provide for their family as they would like to? Expectations are often so high today: home, career, future, people don’t always realise how much effort is required, even without the added encumbrances of high financial demands and young children.

Personal relationships are disappointing. The rosy courtship gives way to the reality of marriage and children before couples are either emotionally or economically on their feet. Immaturity and adjustment to changed social circumstances (not going out with the boys/girls for drinks).

Culture shock, poor housekeeping/cooking skills and an inability to handle money can feature in dissatisfaction leading to antisocial behaviour.

Power and the desire to dominate have also been cited, perhaps from workplace frustrations and cases where men believe they are downtrodden by women in general.

There may have been a realisation too that a promising future is not going to develop, that they are stuck in a dull existence, possibly explains why domestic violence takes time to develop as the situation gradually becomes clearer.

Maybe there is family history and mental health issues and how much do contemporary standards play a part, particularly as shown by impossible advertising lifestyles: the young attractive wife, handsome husband, pigeon pair children, cuddly family dog and spotless modern house – an attractive dream for vulnerable couples.
Then there is perceived neglect where the husband now finds his wife also is a mother and her priorities have changed leading to jealousy and tragedies, often in young de facto relationships.

We welcome the reports, the publicity and increased help being offered to victims but even if the examples above are part of the explanation for domestic violence we still haven’t sought and thus addressed all of the reasons why it occurs.

Pictured above is the Jacka home in which 8-year-old Bradyn Dillon was found gravely injured in February this year. The boy died of his injuries, and his father, Graham Dillon, was charged with his murder, sparking an ACT Government inquiry into system responses to family violence. Photo: Charlotte Harper


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Patterns that lead to domestic violence
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HenryBG 12:15 pm 05 Jun 16

Birdie said :

So – please show me the stats and the studies and I’ll believe you. In the meantime, like I said – i live and breathe this everyday – myself and my large circle of single mums in similar situations. Please tell me where you get your evidence and generalisations from?

Your logical fallacy is – Argument from Personal Experience. (Which is really an Argument by Anecdote).
http://skepticsplay.blogspot.com.au/2008/04/argument-from-personal-experience.html

And asking us to prove that single parent families are greatly more likely to produce criminals is like asking us to prove the world isn’t flat – it is common knowledge that single parent families are very strongly correlated with all sorts of problems including crime and under-achievement in children.

https://www.ncjrs.gov/App/publications/abstract.aspx?ID=167327

Birdie said :

please explain again, with evidence, how we contribute to poor outcomes in our kids when we become a low income single parent family NOT BY CHOICE

Your logical fallacy here is the Strawman Argument.
https://yourlogicalfallacyis.com/strawman

I don’t think there is any difference in the outcomes for children of single parents if the parent did or did not choose to raise a child alone.

If you are addressing the negative aspects of single parenthood that create handicaps for children, then presumably you’re doing the right thing.

John Howard’s mother was a single mum, and he has managed to avoid stealing cars and dealing drugs.

The issue isn’t that single parents are bad people, the issue is that single parenthood on average imposes a very large burden on society, in a variety of ways.

dungfungus 12:13 pm 04 Jun 16

cea075 said :

Wow – so many generalisations – I’m amazed I’m still alive and am not a psychokilier or anything.

I am the product of a single mother, who didn’t work. I graduated from high school as the dux in French, with my mother encouraging my love of languages and the social sciences in history and the like. I graduated from uni with a degree in economics. I met and married a wonderful man, had a child and lived an extraordinarily lucky life.

But tragedy struck. I’m now a single mum too. I was suddenly widowed at the age of 40 after a 20 year marriage. But I work hard to raise my young son to be respectful, kind and to be the best he can be.

I’m so scared because based upon the comments below…. it appears my son and I will become an abuser because we’ve grown up in a single parent family (although my circumstance is NOT BY CHOICE).

We will both become criminals (Gosh – hope that doesn’t affect my security clearance)

It’s not ok for me to raise my child alone (someone – please get me another husband… quick! pronto! Just think of the children… pulllllleeeaaaasssseeeeeeee.)

I mean, if I don’t get me a man soon, then my son is going to grow up to become a serial killer. Just look at that compelling evidence given in this thread – the Port Arthur gunman’s dad died – and he went on just a few years later to become our nation’s worst mass murderer.

And…my son is not going to know where the social boundaries are because he only has a mother to raise him. Oh that poor child. What will become of him?

OMG – do I just hand us both into the police now for the future crimes we are likely to commit, ala Minority Report?

I feel so depressed reading totally and utterly unfounded and misguided comments like some of these. Unless you’ve lived it, then please refrain from making such statements.

Thanks!

PS – Dear Male Readers – since I’m going to need a new husband real soon before I turn bad, please send me private messages directly to me with your marriage proposal. I’m only doing this to make the world a safer place for us all to live in.

PPS – The only girl I knew who ‘got herself pregnant’ in high school came from a lovely, respectable, two parent family. How did that happen? Go figure???

“‘got herself pregnant’ ”
That’s biologically impossible.

gooterz 8:48 pm 03 Jun 16

As a young person the people in my friendship circle the DV against women has come from the males that have grown up in the wealthier families. It’s not physical violence but the manipulative,controlling (choosing social circles) forms of domestic violence. It’s been the less wealthy, struggling members (both male and female) who have intervened and said that behaviour isn’t acceptable and change the boundaries for them. The wealthier men are more likely to view women as a possession whereas the struggling men are more likely to see women as people

(Its a bit hard to read your first line as there are several fragments in there, usually when you start with ‘As’ you have to mention a specific thing. )

When did forming a clique become domestic violence?
How can it be according to all the government sponsored TV ads it’s always physical violence is there some other kind of DV the government is currently unaware of?

So the rich kids didn’t want to hang out with the non rich kids?
Did you have any wealthy females in your friendship circle? you seem to have left them out. Were they for or against hanging out with the poor kids?

When I was a young person, none of the other students really lived together in domestic situations. Most of the couples thought they found some magic ‘Love’ and thought they’d spend forever together. Sometimes the males would fight each other to show the females who the alpha male was.
Then finally they grew up and changed (well most of them).

gooterz 8:21 pm 03 Jun 16

Zan said :

dungfungus said :

cea075 said :

Wow – so many generalisations – I’m amazed I’m still alive and am not a psychokilier or anything.

I am the product of a single mother, …etc…

PPS – The only girl I knew who ‘got herself pregnant’ in high school came from a lovely, respectable, two parent family. …

For the record the argument put forward was the assertion that most abusers and criminals come from ‘broken homes’/single parents. Your answer to this was an example of a broken home of whom didn’t result in an issue. This is a logical fallacy, its called fallacy of the inverse.

Her argument is indeed an assault on formal logic, but the even more glaringly obvious logical fallacy is
https://yourlogicalfallacyis.com/anecdotal

I always find it flabbergasting how widespread this kind of thinking really is – a professional once replied to my, “Narrabundah caravan park is a breeding ground for car thieves” with “I know a person who had to move there and he wasn’t a criminal”.
What do you say to people who think like this?

As little as possible.
I’m surprised there aren’t more critical thinking questions in job interviews. It would make many places (like public service) much more productive. Sadly putting together a formal reasoned argument seems like a speciality skill these days, rather than something one was assumed to have with an education.

Apsara 5:59 pm 03 Jun 16

Right – I can say my sample size is at least 200 women (I was an admin on a widows with young kids group) – all of us are widows and single mums. I did not come across any kids who became delinquents as far as I’m aware of that was attributed directly to growing up in a single parent family. Sure the kids are sad and have moments of acting out, as do many kids growing up who have both parents. So many factors influence why people become abusers and it’s not all about single mums.

I know these people, I am one of those people

So Gootez and HenryBG – in your comments you have accused single parent families of (and without ANY evidence – just thrown out wild remarks not backed up by anything – anecdotal or otherwise)

* 70% of criminals come from single mothers (where is that report?)

* Things like easy abortion and single parent support payments have bread (sic?) a culture of single, stay at home mothers who raise some of the worst children. (where is the evidence that these factors have raised “the worst children”?)

*Its a myth that abusers come from all walks of life. Mostly it occurs in low income households. (again – where is this evidence? I was raised and am in that socio-economic group and none of us are abusers or have kids who look like they are primed to be abusers themselves – we are just solo mums trying to make a living and help our kids in the world”

* Port Arthur, father committed suicide 3 years earlier son wipes out the town. (you are trying to show causation with any evidence – again, where is your evidence that being in a single parent family caused him to do this? Do you have the psych report?)

* …one particular domestic living arrangement is spectacularly effective at achieving poor outcomes in the children that grow up in it. think what needs to be added to his comment is something along the lines of, “Somewhere along the line we told men it was ok to abandon your childnre” (sic).(please explain again, with evidence, how we contribute to poor outcomes in our kids when we become a low income single parent family NOT BY CHOICE. We were not abndandonned – our husbands and partners died. Many of us were stay at home mums with young children because our husband’s were the breadwinners – now we face a situation where we have lost 100% of our incomes – but not of our values….. please explain how it is that our circumstances now turn us into lazy, disrespectful and disgraceful role models because our children are growing up not seeing two working parents? )

So – please show me the stats and the studies and I’ll believe you. In the meantime, like I said – i live and breathe this everyday – myself and my large circle of single mums in similar situations. Please tell me where you get your evidence and generalisations from?

rubaiyat 3:59 pm 03 Jun 16

HenryBG said :

Aren’t 70% of criminals coming from a single mother home? The increase in DV is also related to an increase in divorce.

Somewhere along the line we told women it’s ok to raise a child alone. We now bear the consequences of that choice.

Things like easy abortion and single parent support payments have bread a culture of single, stay at home mothers who raise some of the worst children.

Its fairly easy to pick a boring guy like Ted in accounting that won’t be an abuser. But its not as trendy as Steve who spends all day in the gym.

Nothing recent about it at all. Rome was founded by misogynist rapists.

If anything we are at last in western society tackling an ingrained behaviour in all levels of society.

Yes it is true that women can have the same anti-social behaviour but the vast majority of the perpetrators are men. Pointing out exceptions to the rule is not making the rule less true.

One thing I do not understand is how blaming all men, and getting the ones doing the right thing to apologise for the behaviour of the bad examples, gets us anywhere.

Something that plagues my conscience is I witnessed a man abusing a woman horrifically on a train once but was caught off-guard as I was getting off and did not have the opportunity to record it or do anything about it. I thought of reporting it to the police but did not know how to identify them or have sufficient evidence to get them to do anything. A few days later I saw the couple walking hand in hand down the street like a loving couple. Seeing that did not make me think the relationship was any less abusive but made it clear just how hard it is to intervene between the two. Something the police have to face day in and day out.

pink little birdie 3:14 pm 03 Jun 16

As a young person the people in my friendship circle the DV against women has come from the males that have grown up in the wealthier families. It’s not physical violence but the manipulative,controlling (choosing social circles) forms of domestic violence. It’s been the less wealthy, struggling members (both male and female) who have intervened and said that behaviour isn’t acceptable and change the boundaries for them. The wealthier men are more likely to view women as a possession whereas the struggling men are more likely to see women as people

Maya123 1:13 pm 03 Jun 16

dungfungus said :

cea075 said :

Wow – so many generalisations – I’m amazed I’m still alive and am not a psychokilier or anything.

I am the product of a single mother, who didn’t work. I graduated from high school as the dux in French, with my mother encouraging my love of languages and the social sciences in history and the like. I graduated from uni with a degree in economics. I met and married a wonderful man, had a child and lived an extraordinarily lucky life.

But tragedy struck. I’m now a single mum too. I was suddenly widowed at the age of 40 after a 20 year marriage. But I work hard to raise my young son to be respectful, kind and to be the best he can be.

I’m so scared because based upon the comments below…. it appears my son and I will become an abuser because we’ve grown up in a single parent family (although my circumstance is NOT BY CHOICE).

We will both become criminals (Gosh – hope that doesn’t affect my security clearance)

It’s not ok for me to raise my child alone (someone – please get me another husband… quick! pronto! Just think of the children… pulllllleeeaaaasssseeeeeeee.)

I mean, if I don’t get me a man soon, then my son is going to grow up to become a serial killer. Just look at that compelling evidence given in this thread – the Port Arthur gunman’s dad died – and he went on just a few years later to become our nation’s worst mass murderer.

And…my son is not going to know where the social boundaries are because he only has a mother to raise him. Oh that poor child. What will become of him?

OMG – do I just hand us both into the police now for the future crimes we are likely to commit, ala Minority Report?

I feel so depressed reading totally and utterly unfounded and misguided comments like some of these. Unless you’ve lived it, then please refrain from making such statements.

Thanks!

PS – Dear Male Readers – since I’m going to need a new husband real soon before I turn bad, please send me private messages directly to me with your marriage proposal. I’m only doing this to make the world a safer place for us all to live in.

PPS – The only girl I knew who ‘got herself pregnant’ in high school came from a lovely, respectable, two parent family. How did that happen? Go figure???

Interesting point. You deny the generalisations of what many have seen and read studies on, on the basis that they are generalisations. However you expect us to take your story and generalize it about all single parents?

Which is it, you can’t have it both ways.

For the record the argument put forward was the assertion that most abusers and criminals come from ‘broken homes’/single parents. Your answer to this was an example of a broken home of whom didn’t result in an issue. This is a logical fallacy, its called fallacy of the inverse.

Let me make a generalisation too. It’s mainly males here who are so concerned and complain about households without a male.
Re Apsara comment about the only girl she knew who ‘got herself pregnant’ in high school came from a lovely, respectable, two parent family. In my high school class, two girls’ boy friends got them pregnant. Both the girls came from two parent families.

Most of the difficulty that single parent families face is economical. People without children in low economical situations also have difficulties. Only for those without children the difficult lifestyle does not go beyond themselves, as it does to those with children. I have tried to find some research to compare single parent (often lowly educated) households in low economical situations, with single parent households with an educated parent and in a comfortable economical position. This would usually be an older, more stable parent; who is most cases would have wanted the child, and perhaps in the case of a professional woman who fears her fertile years are running out, planned to conceive a child. This against a younger woman who might have found herself pregnant without planning or wanting it, and certainly not being in a financial position to support a child, or particularly emotional mature yet. I haven’t been able to find any such study.

HenryBG 9:50 am 03 Jun 16

dungfungus said :

cea075 said :

Wow – so many generalisations – I’m amazed I’m still alive and am not a psychokilier or anything.

I am the product of a single mother, …etc…

PPS – The only girl I knew who ‘got herself pregnant’ in high school came from a lovely, respectable, two parent family. …

For the record the argument put forward was the assertion that most abusers and criminals come from ‘broken homes’/single parents. Your answer to this was an example of a broken home of whom didn’t result in an issue. This is a logical fallacy, its called fallacy of the inverse.

Her argument is indeed an assault on formal logic, but the even more glaringly obvious logical fallacy is
https://yourlogicalfallacyis.com/anecdotal

I always find it flabbergasting how widespread this kind of thinking really is – a professional once replied to my, “Narrabundah caravan park is a breeding ground for car thieves” with “I know a person who had to move there and he wasn’t a criminal”.
What do you say to people who think like this?

gooterz 9:13 pm 01 Jun 16

cea075 said :

Wow – so many generalisations – I’m amazed I’m still alive and am not a psychokilier or anything.

I am the product of a single mother, who didn’t work. I graduated from high school as the dux in French, with my mother encouraging my love of languages and the social sciences in history and the like. I graduated from uni with a degree in economics. I met and married a wonderful man, had a child and lived an extraordinarily lucky life.

But tragedy struck. I’m now a single mum too. I was suddenly widowed at the age of 40 after a 20 year marriage. But I work hard to raise my young son to be respectful, kind and to be the best he can be.

I’m so scared because based upon the comments below…. it appears my son and I will become an abuser because we’ve grown up in a single parent family (although my circumstance is NOT BY CHOICE).

We will both become criminals (Gosh – hope that doesn’t affect my security clearance)

It’s not ok for me to raise my child alone (someone – please get me another husband… quick! pronto! Just think of the children… pulllllleeeaaaasssseeeeeeee.)

I mean, if I don’t get me a man soon, then my son is going to grow up to become a serial killer. Just look at that compelling evidence given in this thread – the Port Arthur gunman’s dad died – and he went on just a few years later to become our nation’s worst mass murderer.

And…my son is not going to know where the social boundaries are because he only has a mother to raise him. Oh that poor child. What will become of him?

OMG – do I just hand us both into the police now for the future crimes we are likely to commit, ala Minority Report?

I feel so depressed reading totally and utterly unfounded and misguided comments like some of these. Unless you’ve lived it, then please refrain from making such statements.

Thanks!

PS – Dear Male Readers – since I’m going to need a new husband real soon before I turn bad, please send me private messages directly to me with your marriage proposal. I’m only doing this to make the world a safer place for us all to live in.

PPS – The only girl I knew who ‘got herself pregnant’ in high school came from a lovely, respectable, two parent family. How did that happen? Go figure???

Interesting point. You deny the generalisations of what many have seen and read studies on, on the basis that they are generalisations. However you expect us to take your story and generalize it about all single parents?

Which is it, you can’t have it both ways.

For the record the argument put forward was the assertion that most abusers and criminals come from ‘broken homes’/single parents. Your answer to this was an example of a broken home of whom didn’t result in an issue. This is a logical fallacy, its called fallacy of the inverse.

Apsara 5:57 pm 01 Jun 16

Wow – so many generalisations – I’m amazed I’m still alive and am not a psychokilier or anything.

I am the product of a single mother, who didn’t work. I graduated from high school as the dux in French, with my mother encouraging my love of languages and the social sciences in history and the like. I graduated from uni with a degree in economics. I met and married a wonderful man, had a child and lived an extraordinarily lucky life.

But tragedy struck. I’m now a single mum too. I was suddenly widowed at the age of 40 after a 20 year marriage. But I work hard to raise my young son to be respectful, kind and to be the best he can be.

I’m so scared because based upon the comments below…. it appears my son and I will become an abuser because we’ve grown up in a single parent family (although my circumstance is NOT BY CHOICE).

We will both become criminals (Gosh – hope that doesn’t affect my security clearance)

It’s not ok for me to raise my child alone (someone – please get me another husband… quick! pronto! Just think of the children… pulllllleeeaaaasssseeeeeeee.)

I mean, if I don’t get me a man soon, then my son is going to grow up to become a serial killer. Just look at that compelling evidence given in this thread – the Port Arthur gunman’s dad died – and he went on just a few years later to become our nation’s worst mass murderer.

And…my son is not going to know where the social boundaries are because he only has a mother to raise him. Oh that poor child. What will become of him?

OMG – do I just hand us both into the police now for the future crimes we are likely to commit, ala Minority Report?

I feel so depressed reading totally and utterly unfounded and misguided comments like some of these. Unless you’ve lived it, then please refrain from making such statements.

Thanks!

PS – Dear Male Readers – since I’m going to need a new husband real soon before I turn bad, please send me private messages directly to me with your marriage proposal. I’m only doing this to make the world a safer place for us all to live in.

PPS – The only girl I knew who ‘got herself pregnant’ in high school came from a lovely, respectable, two parent family. How did that happen? Go figure???

carpediem 1:12 pm 01 Jun 16

What is wrong with a woman raising a child on her own? Often wives/partners leave abusive husbands and take their child/children with them. The problem begins when that woman takes on another live in “boyfriend”.

There is plenty of evidence and examples of kids being mistreated by their “step” parents. This happens with both sexes but predominately stepfathers for the reasons already outlined here. I’m often astounded to hear about single mothers from abusive past relationships, who continue to partner with abusive men. Why does this happen?

dungfungus 11:38 am 01 Jun 16

This is about the worst macho-male culture can get.
It was in SBS2 last night. Very distressing stuff.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3272079/The-dangerous-place-woman-hell-Honduras.html#m4gerous-place-woman-hell-Honduras.html

Obiter_Dictum 8:46 am 01 Jun 16

HenryBG said :

Things like easy abortion and single parent support payments have bread a culture of single, stay at home mothers who raise some of the worst children.

Its fairly easy to pick a boring guy like Ted in accounting that won’t be an abuser. But its not as trendy as Steve who spends all day in the gym.

1. Easy abortion does the exact opposite of what you suggest. Easy abortion in fact lowers the crime rate by removing ‘unwanted’ children. There are lots of links, but a good discussion is here: http://freakonomics.com/2005/05/15/abortion-and-crime-who-should-you-believe/.

2. I doubt there is any great chance that Ted in accounting will less likely to be abusive than Steve at the gym. There is certainly no greater chance that Ted will be respectful of women. Steve may well have a healthy self image and sufficient confidence that he is not threatened by a successful woman, while Ted in accounting spends his days posting on mens rights boards and complaining about the indignity of a female boss, and then eventually transfers that anger to his partner. No doubt the signs of an abusive relationship are there early in some cases, but in others yhe victim will really only find out about the controlling behaviour or mental health issues or narcissim once they get into the relationship, and perhaps not even for a while after that. Profiling potential abusers by career and past time is not likely to be very successful. The key is to ensure help is available for anyone trapped in a poor relationship who needs to get out.

HenryBG 5:54 am 01 Jun 16

bobzed57 said :

Gooterz – blanket shaming the mother for the father’s absence is pretty weak.

…except he did no such thing.
He pointed out the reality that one particular domestic living arrangement is spectacularly effective at achieving poor outcomes in the children that grow up in it.
I think what needs to be added to his comment is something along the lines of, “Somewhere along the line we told men it was ok to abandon your childnre”.

In London, almost 2/3 of black children have been abandoned by their fathers.
The usual rate is 1/4 children growing up with no father (and therefore highly unlikely to succeed).

gooterz 10:26 pm 31 May 16

bobzed57 said :

Gooterz – blanket shaming the mother for the father’s absence is pretty weak. Why aren’t you also asking why the father can’t be there for their kids? And there’s no such thing as an easy abortion. It’s this sort of lazy thinking which blames women for their vulnerabilities, and we have pretty strong indications above as to where that attitude can lead.

I said there was a link, I didn’t blame all single mothers for it.
Port Arthur, father committed suicide 3 years earlier son wipes out the town.

Sure there are men that walk out, there are mutual dissolutions, there are also women that force the father away.
Then there are those that get pregnant by choice. They even make movies about them. (Pregnancy pact). More women are having children by choice and raising kids alone.
However it doesn’t change the fact that there are many single mothers with low income.

I personally know someone who claims to have fathered at least 10 children to 10 ladies, not staying with any of them.

Any of the ways that someone becomes a single parent is a situation where a child has increased possibility of missing out on learning about boundaries. Not all kids, just an increased proportion of them.

Sadly like many things its not politically correct to point out links such as these. Usually when wrong doing occurs the person is held to account and society overlooks their influence on how that warped sense of thinking came about.

All the DV campaigns put the blame solely at men. Yet you point out that perhaps there are other causes and everyone takes that as an attack on women. We’ll only fund certain studies anything else isn’t PC. Lot of people commit suicide however that’s not a PC issue to talk about.

One of the biggest issues is that the only people whom have time to raise kids are the ones who’s incomes are low. Those with the income and financial advantage have very little incentive to have big families.

How could it be that a child who grows up in a house where there aren’t any working parents has so little respect for others. Could it be that there is perhaps a link between a child seeing a parent work hard for a living and not being an abuser later in life?

huayu 7:16 pm 31 May 16

Gooterz – blanket shaming the mother for the father’s absence is pretty weak. Why aren’t you also asking why the father can’t be there for their kids? And there’s no such thing as an easy abortion. It’s this sort of lazy thinking which blames women for their vulnerabilities, and we have pretty strong indications above as to where that attitude can lead.

gooterz 5:26 pm 31 May 16

madelini said :

HenryBG said :

Aren’t 70% of criminals coming from a single mother home? The increase in DV is also related to an increase in divorce.

I thought that divorce figures had gone down now that “common law” relationships (with the same legality as marriage) was all the go?

Somewhere along the line we told women it’s ok to raise a child alone. We now bear the consequences of that choice.

What is wrong with a woman raising a child on her own? Often wives/partners leave abusive husbands and take their child/children with them. The problem begins when that woman takes on another live in “boyfriend”.

Things like easy abortion and single parent support payments have bread a culture of single, stay at home mothers who raise some of the worst children.

There is no “easy abortion”. Single parent support payments?

Its fairly easy to pick a boring guy like Ted in accounting that won’t be an abuser. But its not as trendy as Steve who spends all day in the gym.

Abusive men (and women) come from all walks of life. Mister CEO in a suit and tie with lots of money, is just as able to be a CONTROLLING individual and an abuser, as is a guy who works in a factory, or is unemployed.

Nobody owns another person … including your children.

Its a myth that abusers come from all walks of life. Mostly it occurs in low income households. The myth exists to stop people looking at the causes of abuse.
Also the myth that its all about control is weird. The most abusive relationships are ones with two women in them. How does that fit control.

If you go by The definition of school and include things like verbal abuse and threatening to leave, withholding access to children it would be clear who the biggest perpetrators are.

However when one gender does this its never promoted as domestic violence. As when this happens they bring out the control and limit it by physical size meaning the man is always at fault.

Maya123 4:24 pm 31 May 16

HenryBG said :

Aren’t 70% of criminals coming from a single mother home? The increase in DV is also related to an increase in divorce.

Somewhere along the line we told women it’s ok to raise a child alone. We now bear the consequences of that choice.

Things like easy abortion and single parent support payments have bread a culture of single, stay at home mothers who raise some of the worst children.

Its fairly easy to pick a boring guy like Ted in accounting that won’t be an abuser. But its not as trendy as Steve who spends all day in the gym.

I would guess, as you appear to be, that most come from economically struggling homes, and it is likely that many of those might be single parent households with single mothers. It does not necessarily equate that because there is only one parent there that is the cause of delinquency in the child, but rather it’s likely to be the low social economical situation.

dustytrail 3:56 pm 31 May 16

HenryBG said :

Aren’t 70% of criminals coming from a single mother home? The increase in DV is also related to an increase in divorce.

I thought that divorce figures had gone down now that “common law” relationships (with the same legality as marriage) was all the go?

Somewhere along the line we told women it’s ok to raise a child alone. We now bear the consequences of that choice.

What is wrong with a woman raising a child on her own? Often wives/partners leave abusive husbands and take their child/children with them. The problem begins when that woman takes on another live in “boyfriend”.

Things like easy abortion and single parent support payments have bread a culture of single, stay at home mothers who raise some of the worst children.

There is no “easy abortion”. Single parent support payments?

Its fairly easy to pick a boring guy like Ted in accounting that won’t be an abuser. But its not as trendy as Steve who spends all day in the gym.

Abusive men (and women) come from all walks of life. Mister CEO in a suit and tie with lots of money, is just as able to be a CONTROLLING individual and an abuser, as is a guy who works in a factory, or is unemployed.

Nobody owns another person … including your children.

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