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An Idiot’s guide on how to Panic.

By S4anta - 27 October 2005 7

ESA has done their best to scare the dull witted, by releasing this guide on what to do in an emergency.

So start drawing the floor plans of your house, and remember to mark at least two exits from every room. And remember if you need any help, please call Canberra Connect I am sure the fine workers in there are equipped to deal with the paranoid and weird that this will undoubtably shake up.

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7 Responses to
An Idiot’s guide on how to Panic.
Jey 11:58 am 27 Oct 05

That’s hot 😉

Absent Diane 11:29 am 27 Oct 05

I havent had one in a while but I suffer panic attacks as well….pretty bad at times…. but yes a panic attack booklet would be the equivalent of anxiety disorder porn I guess…. kind of auto-erotic-anxiety

Samuel Gordon-Stewar 11:22 am 27 Oct 05

I remember doing something like this in Year 10 Natural Disasters, the upshot of it all was duct taping pets to the floor so they don’t run away, wading through water to turn off the mains power and some bloke standing around announcing that “I’m remembering the emergency kit”….that might have been a cyclone, but it works almost as well for fires.

Jey 11:21 am 27 Oct 05

I thought it was funny, I suffer from panic attacks a lot, an idiot’s guide on how to panic would make panic attacks a lot simpler, a lot less effort.

Thumper 11:19 am 27 Oct 05

In the event of a natural disaster the ACT Emergency Services Authority suggests the following steps to ensure your safety.

1. Wait until the last minute before panicking with the rest of the population.

2. You should then throw as much junk as possible into your car and drive like a madman to the nearest traffic jam.

3. By stopping at the traffic jam you will have time to reflect on the fact that you have left your cat, or child at home. In this event it is advised that you should make a difficult and dangerous detour back through the oncoming traffic and go back and get them.

4. Repeat one although you now have no minutes left.

5. repeat step 2 but this time drive even more manically and make sure you abuse all Police, Fire Fighters, SES and Ambulance staff who are inconveniently blocking your way by trying to get into the disaster area to fix it.

6. Listen to the radio for total denials by the government.

Absent Diane 11:14 am 27 Oct 05

Dammit… I was actually looking forward to reading something ‘deliberately’ funny… oh well

Jey 11:08 am 27 Oct 05

“An Idiot’s guide on how to Panic.”
Sounds exactly like what I need!

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