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BOGANS…an anthropological study

By dragcity_cowgirl 7 January 2006 33

“Bogan” The Definition :

Full Anthropological analysis :

Maximumus Tightblackjeanus Withmulletus.

First identified as a sub-species during the mid-70s, the Melbourne Bogan is thought to be a close relation of the Booner (found in Canberra’s outer suburbs) the Westie (spread throughout Western Sydney), and the Bevan
(Bribane). They are usually of Anglo Irish breeding stock and are generally found around the lower 2 rungs of the “Latham Ladder” trying desparately to get to the next one only to be beaten off by better educated WASPs and people of NESP backgrounds. They have no real tangible aspirations in life apart from feeling part of the Bogan Clan, having a full pack of Winfields, a box of JB Cans and an attitude you could cut with a gun shearer’s blade.

The typical lair of a bogan will have a full on JB Hi Fi/Video system, a well stocked frij (drinks & Jenny Craig food modules only) a show piece pine wall unit with mirror, flimsy bought on tick tables etc,frilly bed covers, lots of dork mirrors, big fluffy toys, posters of banal pop & movie stars (or even worse themselves & older Bogans may have a poster of the “King” = Elvis), walls/doors with holes punched/kicked in them and the only book in the lair will be the yellow pages with all the “Car Wrecker” pages heavily dog eared/marked.

The place will have a foul odour which is a mix of fat from grilled lamb chops, cheap perfume and clothes with a high bacteria count as they were left stacked up on top of the machine for 4 days when wet & never dried properly. Occasionally there may be an acoustic guitar with 4 of the 6 strings left and some Bogans now have computers so that they can communicate with other Bogans for “Cyber S@x” and “clandestine meetings” outside of their own clan.

It is believed the initial Melbourne population was introduced to purpose-built habitats such as Frankston and Dandenong. However, by the mid-80s, the species had multiplied to plague proportions, spreading through much of Footscray and further Western regions. While authorities considered a culling program, they need not have bothered, as the regional population began a rapid decline from the early ’90s onwards. The situation has now reached a critical point, with Bogans rarely sighted in Melbourne, and those remaining clinging to the region’s outskirts. In the year 2000, the species is now officially endangered.

Identifying a Bogan is not difficult. Males sport a distinctive hair growth called a “mullet” (short front and sides, long at back). Some scientists believe the growth is genetic, while others argue it is a product of nurture, as even extremely young males seem coerced by parents to adopt the growth. Other distinguishing male characteristics include a tight black denim covering on the hind limbs and bright flannelette markings on the forepaws and belly.

Males adopt a dominant status within the community, with a vague sense of rank defined by the ownership of aging Ford and Holden motor vehicles.

Female Bogans are entrusted with the raising of multiple offspring, a role they perform from a young age and often without the presence of the male. They may be similarly identified through distinctive denim markings, though the colour is usually “stonewash”. In warmer weather, females have been known to shed the lower layer of denim to just below the genital area, resulting in a “cut-off” effect.

Both males and females have been known to cover their lower hind-limbs with furry pouches called “ug-boots.” While the wild population of Bogans is dwindling, it is still possible to view them in their natural environment.
The species has been known to congregate around regional “shopping malls”, where family units often come to settle domestic issues using high-pitched wailing sounds.

After sunset, younger males and females meet in small dark enclaves known “Taverns” where they consume large amounts of a liquid called “Bourbon.”

There are numerous factors attributed to the decline of the local Bogan population. Scientists have identified the unpopularity of stadium rock as a contributing cause, while the development of adequate social infrastructure (ie. schools, medium-density housing) may have fragmented the species. More controversial theories suggest many bogans may have removed their mullets, purchased “cargo pants” and attempted to integrate themselves in Melbourne’s mainstream population, but these claims are yet to be substantiated. Some older males buy Harley Davidson motor cycles and become involved with other anti social groups who have ancestors linked to the first 18thC fleets of jetsom from Portsmouth & Mersyside.

At present there seems little hope of restoring the Bogan population to its previous levels. Recent attempts by the Federal Government have included the development of a new artificial habitat in outer Melbourne named “Sunbury”, but it seems this area may be too close to civilised air travel to attract large numbers of the species.

More successful has been an enclosed breeding program in Canberra called “Summernats”, which takes place annually at the National Exhibition complex in Watson. The program has proven highly effective, combining motor vehicles and bourbon with rampant displays of female sexuality. Authorities recently introduced a V8 Supercar race with similar results, and have attracted Bogan elders AC/DC for a brief national visit early next year.

What’s Your opinion?


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BOGANS…an anthropological study
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motleychick 11:59 am 05 May 09

I got my first flanny shirt when I was 14 (after getting my first metal shirt from the markets – Iron Maiden) and not wanting it to look new at all, I washed it, ironed it several times, threw it in the dirt and jumped all over it, burnt some of the edges and rewashed it and wore it to the Canberra Show that night. Then swapped schools in Year 9 from Merici College to Kaleen High and felt truly welcomed into the scene. I wouldn’t go out with any bloke that didn’t have long hair, skin-tight black jeans and rollers, even my ex hubby looked like that when I met him at 16 lol.

Grew out of the look, still got a soft spot for Bogan’s though and have tried convincing people I’m one for years.

+1 – got my first flanny around that age and started my metal shirt collection at about 12 (influence from my brother – and probably also the fact that I grew up in Kambah!!)

BerraBoy68 11:49 am 05 May 09

Good points all, FJ. ON teh Mullet… I’ve seen a re-emergence also of the ‘rats tail’ in the cranial plumage of the younger of the species also, so I think you may be correct (assuming of course that a rats tail does eventually grow into a full blown mullet).

Furry Jesus 11:07 am 05 May 09

I think there’s something in the OP and Absent Diane’s recent field studies – the evolution of the bogan. Should we be surprised to see the emergence of cargo pants and polo shirts? I think not. The bogan is always the last group to adopt cutting edge fashion, leaving it so late that the look is little more than a trailing hem, frayed, scuffed and sad. We first noticed this with men wearing long hair. After vehemently rejecting the hippie look of the 60’s, the mullet emerged in the 70’s as the bogan’s own spin on this particular look.

The bogan is undoubtedly an anxious species. All displays of braggadocio aside, being little more than genetically-determined defensive behaviour patterns, the bogan needs to blend into the background, except in the safety of the flock where anonymity is preserved. The jeans and t-shirt look has declined in value as a form of camouflage, and so I believe we are witnessing the evolution of a new form of plumage. Strangely, the mullet seems to be making a limited reappearance in the general population, if Hollywood is the environmental influence it is said to be by greater anthropological minds than mine, so we may see the mullet once again flourishing as the cockscomb of the breed.

BerraBoy68 10:10 am 05 May 09

Thumper said :

I don’t live in Charnwood any longer.

The question is, does anybody really ‘live’ in Charnwood?!

peterh 9:54 am 05 May 09

chewy14 said :

peterh said :

Thumper said :

I don’t live in Charnwood any longer.

neither do I – bogans do migrate, you know…

I thought it was called infiltration.

good lord! I can’t spell that!

chewy14 9:46 am 05 May 09

peterh said :

Thumper said :

I don’t live in Charnwood any longer.

neither do I – bogans do migrate, you know…

I thought it was called infiltration.

peterh 9:44 am 05 May 09

Thumper said :

I don’t live in Charnwood any longer.

neither do I – bogans do migrate, you know…

Thumper 9:21 am 05 May 09

I don’t live in Charnwood any longer.

peterh 9:15 am 05 May 09

The Brad said :

Thumper said :

Okay, I’ve cracked. I live in Charnwood! However, on the good side (young Luke).

And a theory. Brontonsaurus are thin at one end, get fatter in the middle, and then become thin again at the other end.
quote]

I think I know you. Is your real name Anne Elk (Miss)?

wow. there was a good side? Never found it and I lived there for many years…

I do hope that it wasn’t a reference to tillyard drive side, definitely not the best side…

BerraBoy68 8:40 am 05 May 09

Thumper said :

This is not to say that they are extinct as there appears to be some breeding programs operating in West charnwood near the Dunlop/ Charnwood border.

Good call Thumper!

The Brad 8:35 am 05 May 09

Thumper said :

Okay, I’ve cracked. I live in Charnwood! However, on the good side (young Luke).

And a theory. Brontonsaurus are thin at one end, get fatter in the middle, and then become thin again at the other end.
quote]

I think I know you. Is your real name Anne Elk (Miss)?

Thumper 8:25 am 05 May 09

Never worn a flanny in my entire life. Although I will admit to ugg boots many years ago…

ant 11:14 pm 04 May 09

I think normal people are being Boganised. It used to be you could spot them a mile off, in their various uniforms, being stupid and loud. But now, look around you. So many people are stupid and loud… were we always like this? Or is the cashed-up bogan a recent occurance?

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