Dil and the case of the fuel can wielding bandit

Dorfrom 5 September 2012 10

Taking a lesuirely stroll out to the front varandah at around 9pm last night, I opened the door and heard the unmistakable sound of a fuel can banging and slushing. Looking up I saw a figure with a white hoodie dashing up the street a couple of houses up. Not having my detective cap and novelty sized magnifying glass, I had to go over to my automocar for a closer look and was greeted with the site of the fuel door open and the cap sitting on the boot with a length of hose laying nearby.

Now, normally I’m pretty good at locking my automobile each night but I had left it unlocked after a quick jaunt down to the market for some sustenance about an hour earlier. Whilst I overcame the urge to drop to my knees, hold the hose aloft and scream “OH GOD WHY!! THEY HAVE DOCKETS! E10 EVEN!” I remembered I’d been here before, although not having the pleasure of seeing Robbin’ hoodie demonstrate to the world that there needs to be an olympic event for the 500m petrol can sprint.

Yes, it is true. I have been tapped before. On the other occasion, I had once again left my mechanical steed unlocked in my haste to remove the rather heavy rolled up carpet covered in cranberry juice that I had found on the side of the road. When I came out in the morning I had noticed that my petrol door was open and I had been relieved of nearly half a tank of fuel.

I advised mrs Dil that I would need some extra funds to fill up, to which she enquired if I had been out driving around the neighbourhoods throwing stones at whores. I replied in the negative, I spend my time more wisely and appreciate the valuable services that whores provide.

So wrapping up my tale of woe. If you live in the Page area particularly around the Page ‘shops’ be sure that you secure your horseless carriage lest you find yourself unable to drive around neighborhoods throwing stones at ladies daring to show a bit of ankle.

The room of upside down sinners awaits the thief if apprehended by myself and other interested parties.

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10 Responses to Dil and the case of the fuel can wielding bandit
Paul0075 Paul0075 10:24 pm 06 Sep 12

Be thankful you left it unlocked and easy enough for them to open it. I wasn’t so lucky.

I had an attempt on my old car recently, which is in a state of having some engine work done it. It has a fuel door that doesn’t have a lock, but a locking fuel cap. The easy to open door is quite convenient and easier than reaching to a lever on the floor. This however wasn’t enough for said fuel thief. The door was jimmied with a screwdriver, and bent beyond recognition (made of steel), it was also bent back in to what was somewhat pristine metallic paint work, scratching down to the primer and leaving quite a large dent over the wheel arch. Very very unhappy. To top it off, they couldn’t get past the plastic locking cap anyway. To repair the damage, it will need to go to a panel beater be straightened and that whole quarter resprayed.

p1 p1 10:22 am 06 Sep 12

If stealing petrol ever gets to epidemic proportions, I will leave a car out the front of my place with the fuel cap open and the tank full of salty water.

quewastaken quewastaken 9:00 am 06 Sep 12

This has something to do with the carbon tax, I’m sure of it!

Deref Deref 8:38 am 06 Sep 12

😀 Post Of The Month!

Henry82 Henry82 12:37 am 06 Sep 12

Speed cameras might have helped.

On the bright side, at least they didn’t break anything trying to siphon fuel.

YouTookMyUsername YouTookMyUsername 9:30 pm 05 Sep 12

Danman said :

Trunk monkey would fix that


Trunk Monkey: http://youtu.be/8avOiTUcD4Y

bundah bundah 9:01 pm 05 Sep 12

Oops i spent all my money on drugs and alcohol but hey no problem Dil’s nearby i’m sure he won’t mind if i just help myself!

Danman Danman 8:55 pm 05 Sep 12

Trunk monkey would fix that


Comic_and_Gamer_Nerd Comic_and_Gamer_Nerd 8:48 pm 05 Sep 12

Classic post. Lock and archive.

M0les M0les 8:11 pm 05 Sep 12

Why are there no comments on this sterling piece of prose?

I suggest you leave your autovoiture unsecured one evening with several infra-red electronic photography devices secreted about the place.

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