Is Canberra an unfriendly place to live?

Jamika said :

However, Canberrans are certainly ‘weird’ (and not in a gothic-emo kind of weird, either). I put it down to some deep conservatism that lives here. It’s certainly one of the most straight-laced towns I have ever lived in.

For real? Conservative how? Canberra is very liberal, politically and otherwise. If it’s “straight-laced” it’s probably just because a smaller city just won’t have such a variety of unusual sub-cultures forming, purely for the numbers not being enough.

eyeLikeCarrots said :

My unfortunate experience of Canberra so far is that meeting women who dont fall into the category or ‘career builder’ or ‘I’m not interested if your aint driving an Audi’ has been very difficult.

30 year old, quiet/geek type looking for a date.. apply here

As a Canberra woman I can say that’s a complete lie and you must be doing something very wrong if you’ve got that impression. Where are you meeting these people?

Then again, the fact you dismissively refer to a large number of women as “career builders” makes me wonder about you. What exactly does somebody have to do to be a career builder? I’d say Canberra has fewer “career builders” than other places as the opportunities are always going to be bigger in a bigger city. Canberrra also has a significant percentage of people here are employed in the public service, which is huge on work/balance, making you work fewer hours. It also earns you less money at the higher levels than private industry. As a result I find most employees here incredibly laid back, not lazy when it comes to work or promotions but appreciative of their flextime. I suspect you’re dismissing all women with half-decent jobs into the “career builders” category – antiquated sexist opinions could be why you can’t find a date.

I think most Canberra people are incestuous, they appear not to want to mix with others but rather stick to a certain group, if you are born and bred here well thumbs up, that means you have friends that you have grown up with.
They don’t like outsiders coming in, sounds like their inbred, makes it so uninteresting and boring.

I would say Canberrans are probably more polite than they are friendly. People here seem to be kind of cold in a way, but formal and polite. It is rare to encounter any real rudeness here and when they (i.e. Canberrans) encounter it from an interstate visitor, they seem to respond to it with a quiet bemusement. However, Canberrans are certainly ‘weird’ (and not in a gothic-emo kind of weird, either). I put it down to some deep conservatism that lives here. It’s certainly one of the most straight-laced towns I have ever lived in. But for all that, the place has its charms. And don’t forget, there is a large number of people from interstate who are just as bewildered as you. If you can’t infiltrate the Canberra clique, you can always hang with the blow-ins.

It’s the Canberra chip they put in after 5 years

Unfortunately, I’m a born and bred Canberran and even I have trouble making friends. I lost touch with nearly all my school friends for different reasons, some friends are now married with kids so they have no time for singles anymore, and no matter what clubs I join, any of those friendships don’t seem to last!

I especially find it hard with other females… Canberra girls can be very snobby.

Have you tried dance groups? I hope by now that you’ve managed to meet some friendly people!

I also have to agree on Canberra drivers… they seem to get worse each day. 🙁

Hmm…

I’ve lived in Canberra from 94 – 2000, then in Melbourne for six years, travelled the world for a year, and an now back in the Berra… here’s my take (complete with generalisations)

I’ve been lucky to find a good group of friends in Canberra… we do things together now and then, i have different pockets of friends. I’ve had to let a few go due to their dodgy ways, but for the most part it’s been fine.

However, i find meeting new people outside of the usual group to be somewhat challenging. Guys are generally fine, as i guy myself i usually get along with other guys, there’s the occassional dickhead, which i ignore and don’t associate with, but for the most part it’s been AOK.

Girls are another story. Don’t get me wrong, i have some wonderful girl friends in Canberra, but attempting to meet a girl for dating out and about is like pulling teeth. I don’t bother trying anymore! I’m usually happy to strike up conversation with anyone, however i’ve found doing this with girls (on the town, nightclubs, etc) just puts them on the defensive. Which is wierd for me, because i like talking to people, i’m wanting to get to know someone before i get involved with them, but from what i can gather i’m instantly pigeon-holed… into what hole is beyond me, considering that don’t know me from a bar of soap.

It’s funny, these pre-conceptions occur quite often. As mentioned, i’m interested in people and like to find out what they’re about, so coming across people who have seemingly made up their mind about me (was the tone of my hello not to your liking?) is a wierd thing.

On the flip side, i’ve talked to heaps of girls (friends, cousins, family, etc..) who say it’s hard to meet a decent guy in Canberra. So i have no clue whats really going on…

About the road… you guys are a territory of speeders. I don’t have much of a problem with it on the open road, i tend to stick to the speed limit, but when i’m doing the right thing for roadworks, school zones, etc… and someone is up my arse, its enough to piss me off. Where the hell are these people in such a hurry to get to? Overall, i thought victorian drivers were the worst… now i put canberra drivers in the same class for completely different reasons. There’s a bunch of unneeded aggression on the roads here, and people need to slow down and not get upset when other drivers arn’t doing the speed limit you think should exist (rather then the speed limit that’s actually on the signs, remember those?)

Canberra is a wierd bunch of social groups. I sometimes think it’s like a big office party. Being from the country originally, i’m fairly open, and like to speak my mind. Depending on the social group i’m in, that can be a good thing or a bad thing. People seem to go out with other people they work with… which is like bringing work out with you. I see a LOT of people holding back because of work – social connections.

Don’t understand the ‘up market’ crowd. Never known any, don’t go out to kingston / manuka much so it’s all foreign to me. As for women who only touch guys who have money, cars, etc… who wants that? No thanks, next please!

Overall, yep Canberra is a wierd place with wierd people (myself included). However, i’ve found it to be friendly, once you’re in a ‘trusted circle’. Outside of that circle it can be alien and isolating. It helps to be open to new people and encourage them by inviting them to a party… we’re all in this, so lets make some effort.

I don’t know if I would say that Canberra is *unfriendly*…more that it is a fairly introverted and quiet city. I’m planning to move to Melbourne later (but I’m going to buy in Canberra first, soon, and rent in Melbourne) because I prefer a diverse range of people, places and experiences. It is a little insular and sheltered here. Really, Canberra is a glorified town/large version of suburbia…with a main town road that is currently being ‘rehabilitated’.

If you want to meet people whilst here, why not join the SES or volunteer for community organisations? You may find that you need to start conversations here because people can be a little shy, and you do need to get things going initially.

Canberra devotees love it here though…of course they’re the ones that think driving a BMW, walking up and down Civic together, and wearing expensive (but still rather unfashionable) clothes is the ultimate in life.

Possum said :

The first encounter with my next-door neighbour was one of “don’t you dare let your dog touch my pristine lawn of weeds, and don’t let your visitors park on my pavement!”

My first encounter with one neighbour was when he bleated at Old Bob, my first sheep. My first encounter with another neighbour was when she asked if she could take photos of her rugrats with the sheep, Old Bob and the two lambs. Maybe you chose the wrong kind of pet?

Possum said :

I live on the southside in a quiet cul-de-sac. The suburb is “middle range” so it’s not as if I am surrounded by students, or academics, or PS, or old, or young or any one particular group – they seem to be a varied mix. And not having children means I have no contact through schools or sporting groups. Even when I did have a dog I received, at best, a nod of acknowledgement, occasionally. Yes, the clubs seem to be “off-limits” to the likes of me.
To make a very general comment I would say that Canberrans don’t like “intruders” on their patch. Sad….

Walk around the lake (Tuggers)! I can’t get around it ever without stopping to chat a few times! 🙂

I don’t have children either but have a (motorsport) interest which has meant a massive amount of new friends, some who I now count amongst my closest friends.

It seems as if you’re expecting things to come to you…. be passionate about something, there must be something you’re interested in?

The only problem with Canberra being unfriendly is there sky high rent prices what a “rip off “.

Don’t know if I classify as a “long termer”, for me, having lived and worked in less salubrious areas, (LA, Chinatown, Parramatta, The Valley), I am comfortable walking around Canberra at any time of day and night. While I am sure the potential is out there to be stabbed / shot / stuck with needle (touch wood), it has not arisen as yet. I’m sure there are places in Canberra that some wouldn’t choose to be around, and am by no instance suggesting I am “super tough” or whateverand up for the challenge to walk down X street at X time of day or night, but I didn’t have that in previous areas where I have lived.
At a primal level, it’s safety first for me.

I think it depends on your age too… me and most of my ‘group’ of friends are in their early 20s, most studying or working. We always meet new people, bring more into the group, but the core of it are ex marist and eddies boys, and ex st clares girls that all meet while we were still at school

Groups? Google ‘hash house harriers’ and go along to that. Friendly fun folk.

I live on the southside in a quiet cul-de-sac. The suburb is “middle range” so it’s not as if I am surrounded by students, or academics, or PS, or old, or young or any one particular group – they seem to be a varied mix. And not having children means I have no contact through schools or sporting groups. Even when I did have a dog I received, at best, a nod of acknowledgement, occasionally. Yes, the clubs seem to be “off-limits” to the likes of me.
To make a very general comment I would say that Canberrans don’t like “intruders” on their patch. Sad….

When I first came here I worked with a guy that was born and bred in Canberra but had lived all over the world and Australia. He said that there was no place like Canberra and now he’d live no where else. Do you ‘long termers’ agree with that? If so, can you quantify what it is about Canberra that keeps you here (or coming back)?

I am a Canberra native, but as far as I am aware, don’t fall into ‘boring Canberran’ classification.

Serisouly, if you want to get to know your friendly neighbourhood, get a dog, go for walks in the mornings and afternoons.

PS: Possum, I don’t know where you live, but it sound like your suburb is full of dickheads. Most of Canberra’s social groups seem like business networky cliques, or for out-of-town students.

Dazzlar, I agree that Canberra is a clicky place but it also depends on the person who is looking for a new group. Why not, instead of looking for a group/click/social scene, you create your own. Surely you must be interesting enough or have something going for you that would attract some people.

Wow. I find people here very friendly. Sometimes too friendly (when I’m not in the mood for a chat)
That said, when I shaved my head people became somewhat less friendly. So it may be what possum said and have to do with “threat” factor.

I’ve been here 3 years, and also find it difficult. No kids – so no school meetups, and haven’t found groups particularly easy to find. It’s partly my fault – period of ill-health when I first moved meant that I got into the habit of going straight home, but now that I’m fine nothing much has changed.

Hmmm, sounds like you should move.

Possum said :

I tried making eye contact with my new neighbours and was given an icy brush-off.

The first encounter with my next-door neighbour was one of “don’t you dare let your dog touch my pristine lawn of weeds, and don’t let your visitors park on my pavement!”

My first encounters with new neighbours when I moved into my new place were (a) one set of neighbours insisting we come over for drinks, then getting me stonking drunk on good red wine and munching on fancy cheese until I managed to stagger home muttering incoherent apologies at some ungodly hour, and (b) the other set of neighbours turning up unprompted with baby clothes for the new arrival, hanging out and playing with their kids.

There are nice people and douchebags everywhere – attempting to assert that any one city is full of only one sort of person is a bit silly really.

Friendliness depends on whether you are a “threat” to the person you are talking to.
I moved to the suburbs of Canberra from the country. Country people all greet each other, even if it’s a wave from a passing car. They introduce themselves, they offer help and advice, they are hospitable, and not suspicious.
I tried making eye contact with my new neighbours and was given an icy brush-off.
I tried joining three social clubs – none of them bothered to reply to my initial enquiry.
A garage sale brought customers who did not live locally but who managed to dump their unwanted junk onto my property.
The first encounter with my next-door neighbour was one of “don’t you dare let your dog touch my pristine lawn of weeds, and don’t let your visitors park on my pavement!”

So now I stay indoors, and I won’t tell people I live here – I have become a Canberran too.

Oh yeah, Garema place friends! A hole in the head is lookin’ good!

Hey, even us weirdo’s have friends…I think…

Special G said :

You could try it though – wander around Garema place and ask people if they want to be your friend.

Frighteningly, you’d probably find more than a few takers! 😀

People anywhere generally don’t just walk up to you as the new kid and ask to be your friend. Great for primary school but after you leave you tend to have to put in some leg work of your own.

You could try it though – wander around Garema place and ask people if they want to be your friend.

And as for meeting people, get a second “social ” job, move into a share house, sit at a bar and make eye contact, when that person has a breakdown / flat tyre, stop and help.
If you work at it you can get over the stranger danger.
Get to now a few Northsiders and a few southsiders and you’ll suddenly be two degrees of seperation from all of Canberra.

Come along to the next RA event, recently I have discovered it was almost impossible for me to get to the morning ones.

Come along to the next RA event, recently I have discovered it was almost impossible for me to get to the morning ones.

After living all around the world moved back here in 96. For me the joy of Canberra is the “big country town” mentality and vibe. I chose to stay here, buy a house, have a business and raise kids here. If I have the urge to head to a big city, Sydney is up the highway, and this may be just me from living in dodgier places around the globe, but Canberra, at least for me, is a safe place. There are still idiots etc, put as a whole Canberra is a decent place to live.
I don’t love everyone here, and despite my mums wishes, they probably don’t all love me either, but there is no country or city I would rather call home for the next 10 years.

Dazzlar said :

Well AngryHenry I think that what Harvyk1 and Inappropiate have said is right. If you can find a way into the group then you have access to friends. I haven’t found any particular ‘strain’ of weirdness here but I am weird myself so I might not be the best judge. I think where you live and the experience you have is what you make of it. Expect it to be strange and weird and it will be!

I do think that the drivers here are appalling and need to learn how not to tailgate. Also a wave of thanks if I let you into the lane wouldn’t go astray!

ahahahaha. like the woman this morning who was dead set trying to climb into my boot, 40 zones are for everyone else, obviously…

if you are particularly wierd, don’t worry about it. so am I. My friends that i have made here don’t worry, nor do my other friends. I am not part of a clique, I am friends with all who want to be my friend. and I have quite a few that, ordinarily, i wouldn’t have met, if not for the riotact.

eyeLikeCarrots said :

misspris said :

I did find having school aged children a good ice breaker and made lots of friendships that way.

Would you be prepared to loan/rent your children ? I can pass a police check and everything 😀

——

My unfortunate experience of Canberra so far is that meeting women who dont fall into the category or ‘career builder’ or ‘I’m not interested if your aint driving an Audi’ has been very difficult.

30 year old, quiet/geek type looking for a date.. apply here

They’re really expensive to take anywhere – you probably wouldn’t want to keep them long 🙂

As for the dating thing I hear similar stories from women of a similar age. Maybe The RiotACT should host a singles night?

Canberrans are weird – Its true, having lived in Melbourne, Sydney, Gold Coast & Brisbane I can confirm Canberrans are indeed weird. They seem a bit more sheltered here than in the bigger cities, a lot more trusting too.

Easy to sell to a Canberran though:-)

Horses for courses. I’ve been here for 6 years now and have a great circle of friends, most of whom I don’t work with.

In my case, it helps to have a local watering hole where I’ve met a lot of very good mates who are are as diverse as it goes and who I love catching up with a couple of days a week for a beer.
Also after our son was born my wife’s mothers’ group has generated some close friendships.
As well as socialising we help each other out with other things where needed, depending on each person’s particular area of expertise, pretty much as friends do in any walk of life.

I’ve also done the same thing when moving to a different location in Sydney. Helps to enjoy drinking though!

Making friends is not rocket science. Meet people at work. Meet them out of work = social group. Meet people in a club. Meet them out of the club = social group. Meet people in sport. Meet them off field = social group. Sit at home moping and eating worms = no social group.

This thread reminds me of those people who complain about being bored in Canberra. Maybe it’s a city thing. I grew up on a farm so had to engage with the place to entertain myself, develop my own interests, whereas there are some muppets out there who bitch and grizzle if the world isn’t doing a triple back flip and half-pike to keep them entertained.

I slightly crashed my motorbike this afternoon. Nothing major, just a few bruises, but within a couple of minutes I had a bunch of people helping me up, making sure I was okay, and generally going out of their way to help. A lovely couple who were passing even returned home to grab their bike trailer and give me a ride home.

“Unfriendly” my arse. If the selection of wonderful people I met today is any indication, I wouldn’t trade this place for the world.

If the rest of Australia wants to tag Canberrans that way, well I’d say that that speaks more about them than about us.

Its all the “Spooks” that work here, and what level APS are you? I know people who only talk to people on their APS level or above, this becomes more obvious the higher they get.

I reckon Canberra is a “unreal” place to live. (“note the pun” unreal)

Thank god its only 3 hrs from Sydney. 2hrs from the coast and 2hrs from the snow, and has a bit of MTB riding.

Piss off, Canberrans are heaps friendly. Now shutup.

It can be really hard to get into some circles, but Canberra is just like any other town in Australia. The only difference is the attitude outside Canberra. I’ve lived in heaps of places and when I say I’ve lived in Canberra people assume that everyone who lives here is the cause of all the problems in their lives. A good example can be found in news headlines when the government makes a decision and that decision has come from “Canberra”.

I’ve found the people I’ve met here to be really nice, but then again I’m a bit of a hermit…

I think a lot of people have the attitude that it’s not worth making good friends here, because they’re only here for work and will be going back home eventually anyway. And the people who were born here, or are long-termers, tend to already be in their groups, as mentioned by harvyk1, generally groups of school friends.

I have to agree with Dazzlar and Harvyk1. My wife and I have been here ten years and we are still looking for that elusive group to get “in” with. Maybe we are just weird!

Let’s see. The rest of Australia continually delights in a game called bagging canberra, and then wonders why Canberrans are not friendly to them?

Don’t you love it when a non-Canberran makes one of those cheesy, cliched anti-Canberra “jokes”, and expects you to laugh along?

They don’t like invitations to hop on the highway/don’t let the door hit their arse on the way out/they’re cordially invited to never, ever visit our city.

I cannot fathom why every community has to be exactly like Sydney or bust a gut trying to be.

In the words of Gordon Gecko: “If you need a friend, get a dog.” I have two, btw!

JB – I have to ask, and since this is a social thread I can, where does ‘Picketer’ fit into your ranking?

The first three months here are not good – that’s about the time it takes to find a ‘group’ you fit in with. This is also known as making your first friend outside of work. Then it’s all good.

If you move here in winter it’s worse, but that’s just because no one stands around outside to talk to their neighbours (warmer winters aside… ).

I agree with Dazzlar. I thought when I moved here that with so many people who live here, did not grow up here & therefore have “arrived” at some point, they would be sympathetic to new arrivals. Nope.

The following is based on your mention of “we”, which suggests you are either a couple or a family.

Some suggestions:
Look at joining Scouts, for your kids AND for yourself.
Volunteer (or join a club) in an area or activity that you are passionate about.
Take the initiative yourself & go meet your neighbours (or your kids’ friends’ parents).

You are going to have to make the first move. That’s Canberra.

Or just stuff the lot of them, buy a pet & enjoy the great outdoors.

I was born amd bred in Canberra, and I’m definately as weird as they come. (so my wife says)

Yawn to the story…

Yes, that was sarcasm

People who think we are unfriendly can just f*** off!!!!

Well AngryHenry I think that what Harvyk1 and Inappropiate have said is right. If you can find a way into the group then you have access to friends. I haven’t found any particular ‘strain’ of weirdness here but I am weird myself so I might not be the best judge. I think where you live and the experience you have is what you make of it. Expect it to be strange and weird and it will be!

I do think that the drivers here are appalling and need to learn how not to tailgate. Also a wave of thanks if I let you into the lane wouldn’t go astray!

grundy said :

What the hell are you talking about? What ‘groups’?
o_O

What am I missing out on?!

ARGGGHH!!!

Well since your not ‘in’; I’m not going to tell you 😛

I refuse to associate with inter-staters but that’s just me. They talk weird and smell funny.

eyeLikeCarrots said :

My unfortunate experience of Canberra so far is that meeting women who dont fall into the category or ‘career builder’ or ‘I’m not interested if your aint driving an Audi’ has been very difficult.

30 year old, quiet/geek type looking for a date.. apply here

eyeLikeCarrots, nothing is as attractive as confidence.

Competence produces confidence.

You may not be confident about asking a girl to dance. Take lessons. At first you will suck, but you will probably get to hold a beautiful woman close while you do. If you persist you will feel like a god. That will be attractive to women.

Same goes for debating (apart from the beautiful woman bit – although you may get to argue with beautiful women, which would be good practice for later) or anything else you feel will increase your confidence personally.

As a side effect of joining these groups and taking these lessons you will meet a range of fun people and make friends. This will also increase your confidence.

Work on your own happiness and you will have something to offer somebody else regardless of your age, weight, height, personality etc.

I married a 30 year old quiet/geek type and I consider that I got the much better end of the bargain.

There is somebody for you. Trust me!

: )

Well I know that I am extremely unfriendly (in an ‘you are going to have to work very hard for me to decide not to ignore you’ kind of way rather than an ‘look at me and I’ll bite your head off’ kind of way) but I don’t think I am representative of Canberrans as a whole.

It’s hard to say really. I’ve lived in Canberra since I was 8 and before then I wouldn’t have had the presence of mind to make wanky sociological generalisations about the good people of Geelong, Vic.

Observing said :

The people you talked to are weird. It’s just a feeling I get.

Weird !!?? I love Weird. Its a wonderful feeling………..

eyeLikeCarrots said :

My unfortunate experience of Canberra so far is that meeting women who dont fall into the category or ‘career builder’ or ‘I’m not interested if your aint driving an Audi’ has been very difficult.

30 year old, quiet/geek type looking for a date.. apply here

Try redhotpie haha!

eyeLikeCarrots said :

30 year old, quiet/geek type looking for a date.. apply here

Make lots of female friends: they might not be single now, but they may be single later on. They also probably have a friend who is single.

…people that had held positions at the highest points in Federal Government etc.

While we’re in the mood for massive generalisations, high ranking Federal Gov. employees aren’t exactly the friendliest bunch of people I’ve ever met, and I’m willing to bet most of them aren’t natives!

Civic and it’s nightclubs and bars, which are alternately full of try-hard yuppies and proud bogans, is NOT representative of the entire population.

eyeLikeCarrots, sounds to me like you’re mixing in the wrong circles. Ask the Audi chick if her administrative assistant is single!

misspris said :

I did find having school aged children a good ice breaker and made lots of friendships that way.

Would you be prepared to loan/rent your children ? I can pass a police check and everything 😀

——

My unfortunate experience of Canberra so far is that meeting women who dont fall into the category or ‘career builder’ or ‘I’m not interested if your aint driving an Audi’ has been very difficult.

30 year old, quiet/geek type looking for a date.. apply here

The people you talked to are weird. It’s just a feeling I get.

After the fires, I knew all of my neighbors. some of them had lived near me for years. We are moving to a new house, but took the time to meet some of the neighbors first, and we are looking forward to catching up with them soon. It helps to be friendly, and not afraid to introduce yourself to others. I have made many friends here on the riotact, and have caught up with a few. The riotact is a good place to start, when an event comes up that you are interested in.

i moved to canberra not knowing a soul here and i made loads of really good long-lasting friends really quickly. i don’t think canberra is that different to anywhere else, you make friends through work, sport, other extra-curricular activities. isn’t this how you make friends anywhere you live?? surely it isn’t rocket science and we don’t live in stepford!

maybe the people you spoke to were weirdos themselves, dazzlar, hence not having friends….

You tell us Dazzlar…

You moved here. How do we compare with where you came from? As a new person in town what do you think?

Hmmm, I don’t know about unfriendly – sometimes I wonder how motivated Canberrans are though. In my experience they’re always happy to go somewhere when invited but often can’t be bothered to organise something themselves. Mind you, that might just be my apathetic friends!

I did find having school aged children a good ice breaker and made lots of friendships that way. Temping in lots of different work environments was handy too.

Good luck meeting people and don’t be turned off by all the bad press 🙂

harvyk1 said :

I would respond but your obviously not from around here so I can’t talk to you….

Just kidding… Canberra has groups, and once your in a group your right, but until then your excluded and made to feel excluded (it can even happen to those who have lived here all their life)

The trick is to find someone who can “get you in” to a group so to speak, once your in it’ll be far easier to meet new people.

What the hell are you talking about? What ‘groups’?
o_O

What am I missing out on?!

ARGGGHH!!!

Clicky bunch we are, wonder why though….

I agree with harvyk1, join some classes or groups and you’ll meet friendly people – I guess you might have to try a bit harder than in some other places but if you put in the effort I am sure you will make some life long friends!

Canberra is very insular. I guess it’s a result of the transient lifestyle of most who live here: they move here for work, then leave when it’s over. This is no more so evident than on long weekends, and the xmas break, when Canberra brings out the tumbleweeds and becomes a ghost town.

I would respond but your obviously not from around here so I can’t talk to you….

Just kidding… Canberra has groups, and once your in a group your right, but until then your excluded and made to feel excluded (it can even happen to those who have lived here all their life)

The trick is to find someone who can “get you in” to a group so to speak, once your in it’ll be far easier to meet new people.