In the general interests of getting tough on bogans and the causes of bogans (plus giving Kerces an excuse to buy a newspaper each weekend), we of the secret RA server room decided to start a weekly (or at least frequent) column of bogan-tastic baby names found each week in the Canberra Time classifieds.
This weekend I have four for your pleasure.
The first is fairly innocuous, except I think the first name may be made up: Thalie Lisa Shiels.
The second is Brontë Joh Conolly. I did wonder if this new daughter has been named for Sir Joh of Queensland, and the umlaut in Brontë just mystifies me.
The next announcement was headlined “The Jumbo Jett Has Landed”, proudly introducing to the world one Jett Lee Wilmot. Someone’s going to karate lessons as soon as he can walk.
I have saved best for last: Nevaeh Charlize Destanee McLeish. Neveah as in the very popular American name which is Heaven backwards, Charlize like the movie star and Destanee probably because her parents just liked the sentiment. Thank goodness parents can’t do anything about the spelling of their offspring’s surname.
UPDATED: ED – Samuel Gordon Stewart is appalled by the callousness of the monstrous Kerces in publishing this story and is wishing a gruesome fate upon us all:
I generally wouldn’t wish this on people, but I hope RiotACT get sued for this…the sooner they take down this monstorous nonsense, the better.
McSpazmoids like this shouldn’t be allowed to have children.
Very Epponnee Raeleen Kathleen Darleen Sharleen Craig or whatever it was that Kim named her baby in Kath & Kim.
Some shockers there. I wonder if any of these kids will sue their parents later in life for all the mental anguish they experience at school due to their funny name/s.
#1 Thalie – of Greek origin, so not too bad
#2 the umlaut just shouts pretentious wanker parents. I had thought latte left but the Joh sort of dispels that,
#3 Boganity personified! Bet the parents are martial arts fans, and conceived the boy between trips to the club or to the shop to buy smokes, of course driving there in a big V8 or 4WD – and of course they have to be dragway supporters.
#4 – Nevaeh – weird but could be explained by mum and dad being bible bashers of some sort, Charlize – ok, Destanee – thats just sad. Quick sterilise this couple before they can inflict names like this on any more kids.
I think it’s a reflection of the bogans feeling transparent, a goofy miss spelt name has pinned thier hopes for a better life for thier offspring. ‘Tis a pity they are ignorant to the fact all the other bogans are doing the same thing.
(long time reader, first time poster…please, hold the applause)
Kerces you are one of the great mind readers. After reading the BDM notices (the 2nd thing I read on a Saturday after sport) today I was going to propose a similiar thread. I am incredibly heartened by someone sharing a weekend hobby of ours.
You missed the child with the middle name O’Meley. His mentioned brother was our highlight last year….Sonny Bill!! Bogans Bulldogs supporters. The sad thing is I assume Sonny Bill’s real name is William, and his dad is also a William, hence the Sonny Bill. Then again he is a Kiwi bogan so who am I to question.
There is no umlaut in Bronte anywhere, anyhow
I personally think the Department of Births, Deaths and Marriages should be allowed to veto names of the above kind. We named our little fella Owen William. It wasn’t that hard.
And I’ll go out on a limb here (and no doubt be flamed incessantly). Jack is not a boys name. It is an abbreviation or nickname for John. Name them John and call them Jack….please!
Leave ‘em be, a good name like that will help me decide if I offer a realistic salary at interview of halve it – knowing that they’ll still think they’ve made the big time.
My particular favorite are the public school victim, numb-nut ill-bred trailer park RTD-swilling muppets that go for a “double-barrel” last name oblivious to the fact that real money and education is plainly aware that the maternal identity of the child has always been reflected in the middle name.
“Jack is not a boys name. It is an abbreviation or nickname for John. Name them John and call them Jack….please!”
No heat from me mate – this could be a rare aberation, but this is one time I am in full agreement vg.
I must remember to ask my parents exactly why they named me terubo. At least they weren’t pretentious enough to submit it to the local rag.
I know young Jett’s parents. You guys are harsh!
I like the idea of normal-ish names, to save their school lives from being unnecessairly difficult.
I imagine their parents screeching their names in public places like carparks and supermarkets, sounding like cockatoos.
Matt Rogers named his son “Maxwell Danger Rogers”….
“Matt Rogers named his son ‘Maxwell Danger Rogers’”
Bloody Bogan…
I get it, ’cause he can say “my middle name is danger” ha ha
My cousin is a paediatrician, and gets to see some choice names! She recently read of one in a medical journal (and a Google search proves it to be common) pronounced Shah-Theed spelt ‘S-H-I-T-H-E-A-D’. Can’t see this one taking off in Oz.
Had a good link to a site to share too: http://inch.stormpages.com/
With Bronte – Don’t know where the umlaut on the e comes from but its not German – so probably not an umlaut really.
It comes down to this – Kids are cruel – giving them a weird name just gets them picked on. And spelling things differently means they will be forever correcting people.
Friends of mine in Sydney went to school with a Titsiano Shitiac. Tell me he never had the piss taken.
I think the Bronte people wouldn’t know what an umlaut it or what it meant. They probably equivocated it with a French acute which would make it pronounced ‘Brontey’.
Just bogans frigging with a foreign language they can’t understand.
Soryy VY, but Jett Lee is just a fucking disgrace
The Umlaut, correctly called a diaeresis in English and French, is not mistakenly placed. Though the Umlaut is used in German over the letters A, O and U, it is used in French to indicate the letter is to be pronounced. For example, without the diaeresis, Bronte would correctly be pronounced in French as “Bront”.
Similarly, the former French colony of Haiti is spelt in French “Haïti”, to show that it’s not pronounced “I.T.” (with a French accent, since the H is silent) but more like “I.E.T.”
I suppose this takes away some of the bogan points of the name, because despite the probable ignorance of the parents and the clear ignorance of the riotacters, they have actually used the diaeresis correctly.
Go ahead and flame me – so what if I’m massively anal retentive. At least I’m right.
No, I think you have proved conclusively that the parents of Bronte (with an umlaut) are clearly of above average literary ability; and could even be ANU (or worse, UC) academics at senior lecturer or associate professor level.
Where they fall down however, is with their precious infant’s second name: Joh. No-one with any intelligence at all names their kid after that cunning old weasel.
Hey vg – don’t apologise to me, I called my kid a normal name!
Also, I once did some work with a guy from Thailand called Porntip Pornsak!
Yeh, VY, we won’t ask what kind of work…
In my line of work I see some cracking names. My favourite is still Kaysanh Trinity. I’ve yet to see it beat although Neveah Charlize would definitely go close …
Lay off the bogans you bunch of pretentious tossers. Never in my life have I lived in town that hates the poor with as much vengance as Canberra. Wankers.
Ha, bogan isn’t about money tosspot, it’s about taste.
Plenty of bogans filling macmansions with revoltingly named progeny and shane warne biographies.
Yeah, whatever you bunch of class warriors. Let’s fill the world with Saab-driving, well educated wankers and their offspring (tastefully named, of course – Hamish, perhaps, or Claire). Check our Helen Razer’s piece in the latest Big Issue for insightful comment on the rise of middle-class smugness in this country.
Kaysanh – obviously a tribute to Chisel or Barnsey, which was probably on the car stereo while the kid was being conceived.
As for Sam’s outrage, I say if the family is stupid enough to give their kids stupid bogan names they deserve all the derision they get.
Plenty of bogans in all classes, apehammer. The first example of a CUB that springs to mind would be Lleyton Hewitt and his charming wife, closely followed by the afore mentioned Shane Warne. You’re not telling me they’re poor or part of the lower classes?
Sam can complain, but the names were in the local paper for all to see. Kerces just pointed us to them.
I’ve looked at those notices for years and cannot believe the idiocy of some parents. Don’t they remember how cruel kids can be at school?
Hell my husband went to school with a real Richard Head and my sister’s Yr 6 teacher’s name (when first name was initialised) was F.Arte.
Unusual names? Mine’s unusual. It also belonged to a Hollywood starlet who died at 18 from a drug overdose in the 1970’s.
Hence my abbreviation to nyssa.
FFS it’s a joke Sam.
As for you apeman, go look up the definition of bogan before you post again. Lower middle class my arse, look at Sir Bob Geldof’s daughters’ names. He’s certainly not on the dole queue.
“Check our Helen Razer’s piece in the latest Big Issue for insightful comment on the rise of middle-class smugness in this country.”
I think that says it all for the one post wonder. Helen is a ‘journalist’ that was once listened to, now in the backwater on night-time (and very night) AM. I seem to recall quite a vitriolic tongue on her in her day.
And bogan is not a money thing, its a behavioural thing. Plenty of rich bogans, and not so rich classy people. Sam needs to grow up a little to top that off.
The names shown are shit….that is obvious. Sue me for an opinion, I dare ya
Bugger me! We need Helen Razer’s approval to run articles on our own website?
I wish people would keep me informed of these sorts of legislative changes.
“Sue me for an opinion, I dare ya.”
Sue me for mine. I double dare ya.
“Bugger me! We need Helen Razer’s approval to run articles on our own website?”
That’s not what I said at all. Ah, fuck it. Lay into the bogans.
Ape
Why would I want to sue you for your opinion? They are like bum holes, we all have one
Some people are disgusted that a young man persists with skivvys. But that is his want, and god bless him for it…….I thought he gave up on us anyway?
Damn! You found me out. It’s just that skivvies make me feel so good. So sexy. When I wear a skivvy I feel whole.
When I lived in the States I knew a kid called Chip, fair dinkum, that was his real name!
I nearly fell over laughing. Who names their kid after a soggy batter covered piece of potato?
Okay, sorry, off subject. I actually don’t know any bogan named people.
I grew up in bogan central (Queanbeyan), and was glad as hell to get out.
Boganism shits me to tears, especially the ‘everyone thinks they’re better than me’ attitude (which comes from actually thinking everyone else to whom you are directing the comment is better than you). If I’ve worked my ass off so my kid doesn’t have to go to a school with flanny wearing tossers who think stealing cars and smoking winnie reds is ok then so be it.
SO all youo bogans can just get back into your kingswood utes and piss off.
..says I demonstrating my excellent literacy skills.
The best one I know of (and there are plenty) would have to be:
skaifee
i think thats the correct spelling but you can guess how its pronounced.
Is it wrong to want to have a daughter and name her Paris Madddisssonn Montana Britney Idaho Molou?
Not quite sure where she was conceived, Mr Evil?
Back seat of a Torana at Bathurst – at least that’s what I’d like to aim for.
Just got to find the Torana and the willing female!
sgs is a 75 year old in a 16 year olds body.
replete with cardigan, slippers and finely honed whine.
i often wonder whether he is real or an elaborate internet prank.
exposing bogan names is a worthwhile cause.
i’d suggest that as well as a weekly thread, that a link off the riotact webpage would work as well – to a list updated weekly with new bogan baby names.
google will bring in many new visitors, desperate raylenes and kylies looking for ‘different’ names and googling ‘baby names’.
so in one way, kerces is performing a useful public service.
apropo double barrel names – what happens if samuel gordon stewart marries humphrey brown bear ?
does he become samuel gordon stewart brown bear ?
who exactly cares what sgs thinks ? never heard of this person until this thread..
Ah snahon, good times man, good times.
I Second the weekly updates thingy bonfire mentioned.
My pet hate is to take a normal name and spell it completely differently. For example: Bilynda, Mickell, Lyndy, etc. It demonstrates a special kind of societal uselessness.
So which of the following is correct, Riley, Reilly or Ryhlee?
VY,
Instead of calling it bastardisation of a name lets call it boganisation of a name…
“So which of the following is correct, Riley, Reilly or Ryhlee?”
None of the above. It should be Rilea!
SGS is the winningest Canberra at the blog awards EVAH!
And also a devotee of talkback radio!
And I’ve met him so i can promise you he’s real.
I guess a question I would be asking these parents who chose names from The Book Of The Bogan how things look when their kid has to put together a job application. Oh, that’s right, they won’t be (how forgetful AND judgemental of me)!
i already hate these kids and I hate their parents. If they are going to name their kids something original make it interesting!! I personally loathe bogans, they really freak me out.
I also suspect that sam is a bogan.
a friends wife who is a nurse in the us told me of a kid named ‘lemonjello’, pronounced ‘le monjello’.
i shit you not.
helen razer – former canberra lass. now a tiresome beson with literary diarrhea.
Sam is not a bogan. Sam is a revenge of the nerds geek – might be time for a refresher photo from the RA Archives for the new players – you’ll soon get the drift.
I’m pleased to say that my daughter has a normal name, not misspelt. She will probably be teased at school for having a boring name at the current rate.
prefer not to have to look at him maelinar.
“I’m pleased to say that my daughter has a normal name, not misspelt”
Femaelinar?