ANU researchers have been doing research on penis sizes.
Like as a real thing, not just as a hobby. This is what they do.
Through rigid methodology, many hard and long days of work, and despite stiff opposition, the ANU has finally probed the depths of this topic and hit the metaphorical g-spot of knowledge.
What they discovered may well change the world. Are you sitting down? Ok, well it turns out that women find tall men with broad shoulders and large penises most attractive.
Dr Brian Mautz and Professor Michael Jennions from the ANU Research School of Biology showed life-size, computer-generated male figures differing in height, body shape and penis size to 105 women and asked them to rate the figures’ sexual attractiveness.
“This is a topic that has captured the imagination of people all over the world for a very long time,” Professor Jennions said. “If you look at the magazine rack in your local newsagent, sooner or later you’ll see an article entitled ‘Does size matter?’ We wanted to answer this age-old question with a valid scientific approach – facts not opinions.”
In agreement with what research has already told us, the women preferred taller men and men with broad shoulders and narrow hips (V-shaped, rather than pear-shaped).
But this time, the researchers found that penis size matters too. And the bigger, the better – the most attractive penis size appears to be even larger than the team tested, exceeding the penis size of 98 per cent of Italian men.
Poor Italian men. Still even they have to appreciate the work done by the ANU Research School of Biology.
These guys are on the cutting edge of discovering things that everyone totally didn’t already know, and I can’t wait to hear their findings on some of their other research projects such as “What colour is the sky?” and “Does swimming cause wetness?”
We live in exciting times.