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ANU studies penises, decides bigger is better

By Barcham 9 April 2013 40

ANU researchers have been doing research on penis sizes.

Like as a real thing, not just as a hobby. This is what they do.

Through rigid methodology, many hard and long days of work, and despite stiff opposition, the ANU has finally probed the depths of this topic and hit the metaphorical g-spot of knowledge.

What they discovered may well change the world. Are you sitting down? Ok, well it turns out that women find tall men with broad shoulders and large penises most attractive.

Dr Brian Mautz and Professor Michael Jennions from the ANU Research School of Biology showed life-size, computer-generated male figures differing in height, body shape and penis size to 105 women and asked them to rate the figures’ sexual attractiveness.

“This is a topic that has captured the imagination of people all over the world for a very long time,” Professor Jennions said. “If you look at the magazine rack in your local newsagent, sooner or later you’ll see an article entitled ‘Does size matter?’ We wanted to answer this age-old question with a valid scientific approach – facts not opinions.”

In agreement with what research has already told us, the women preferred taller men and men with broad shoulders and narrow hips (V-shaped, rather than pear-shaped).

But this time, the researchers found that penis size matters too. And the bigger, the better – the most attractive penis size appears to be even larger than the team tested, exceeding the penis size of 98 per cent of Italian men.

Poor Italian men. Still even they have to appreciate the work done by the ANU Research School of Biology.

These guys are on the cutting edge of discovering things that everyone totally didn’t already know, and I can’t wait to hear their findings on some of their other research projects such as “What colour is the sky?” and “Does swimming cause wetness?”

We live in exciting times.

dongreport

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ANU studies penises, decides bigger is better
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McSomething 3:24 pm 14 Apr 13

johnboy said :

The way the ANU Media team sold the story had a lot to do with how the rest of the media responded.

Yes, because they know the media loves science articles about sex that confirm stereotypes.

I’d say that size does matter, but in this case it is their sample size that is the most important factor.

smeeagain 12:44 pm 11 Apr 13

astrojax said :

sarahblaec said :

thing is, once she gets to the point of where she can assess penis size is usually where he wants her to be anyway…

And it would generally not be in a flaccid state by that stage, so the 13.5cm doesn’t really factor into it.

All this has confirmed is that men obsess about the size of their penis.

astrojax 10:47 am 11 Apr 13

sarahblaec said :

I’m sure a lot of people feel this study was a waste of time, but the sensational way in which the media has reported it doesn’t help as they’re failing to report the significance of the findings. Studies such as this one give us an insight into human evolution and how female mate choice has driven selection. The human penis is much larger than it needs to be to be functional, and as any man who has been on the receiving end of a football to the groin knows, the male genitalia is rather vulnerable. There’s no biological reason for the penis to be the size it is; the penises of our closest relatives, the great apes, are much smaller relative to body size. This study tested female preference for male genital size in a controlled and scientific manner (the experiment involved projecting life-sized grey computer generated male figures while female participants were asked to rate each for attractiveness, enabling testing of the influence of other factors such as body shape) and has given us some insight into how we became the way we are. It’s just a shame that the reason for doing this research has been inadequately reported in the media.

not to mention the actual very low cost of this research and the benefits it delivers beyond the results: the development of statistical models for tuition purposes, the training of post-docs through the project, etc…

thing is, once she gets to the point of where she can assess penis size is usually where he wants her to be anyway…

sarahblaec 10:33 am 11 Apr 13

johnboy said :

The way the ANU Media team sold the story had a lot to do with how the rest of the media responded.

Ah, yes… ANU website has the title “Size matters for heroes, not zeros”. The article does explain the method used and significance of the findings, but the title… point taken.

sarahblaec 9:40 am 11 Apr 13

I’m sure a lot of people feel this study was a waste of time, but the sensational way in which the media has reported it doesn’t help as they’re failing to report the significance of the findings. Studies such as this one give us an insight into human evolution and how female mate choice has driven selection. The human penis is much larger than it needs to be to be functional, and as any man who has been on the receiving end of a football to the groin knows, the male genitalia is rather vulnerable. There’s no biological reason for the penis to be the size it is; the penises of our closest relatives, the great apes, are much smaller relative to body size. This study tested female preference for male genital size in a controlled and scientific manner (the experiment involved projecting life-sized grey computer generated male figures while female participants were asked to rate each for attractiveness, enabling testing of the influence of other factors such as body shape) and has given us some insight into how we became the way we are. It’s just a shame that the reason for doing this research has been inadequately reported in the media.

    johnboy 9:43 am 11 Apr 13

    The way the ANU Media team sold the story had a lot to do with how the rest of the media responded.

Grimm 9:12 am 10 Apr 13

This is unfortunately not the most ridiculous research being done at the ANU, or any University for that matter.

Yeah, it’s a waste of money, but nowhere near as bad as letting professional students avoid ever getting a job by doing progressively more worthless arts degrees.

Innovation 8:17 am 10 Apr 13

dustytrail said :

You missed a bit out ….

“The long and the short of it is women display a clear preference for penises in excess of 13 centimetres in their flaccid state. This is beyond the measurements of 95 per cent of men.”

http://www.canberratimes.com.au/national/women-only-have-eyes-for-the-big-boys-20130408-2hhmw.html

ROFLMAO

Now how many of you guys will reach for the tape measure … Ha ha ha

Emphasis on “flaccid”. Pretty sure that you could get “Wendy” tattooed on something shorter than 13.5cm.

BimboGeek said :

zorro29 said :

yeah but we all know the disappointment when faced with a small one and the subsequent awkward “yeah things aren’t going to work for totally unrelated reasons” discussion

This whole discussion is getting awkward. I wonder if it was awkward in the scientists’ tearoom when people politely asked what they were working on.

I would have liked to be in the auditorium when the guy was collecting his PHD….

johnboy said :

displacement in a water jug would surely be a simpler measure?

If they used a plaster cast or jelly mold then yaw/angle could be assessed also (although they might not get the same results when they chill the jelly). Guys could even carry their cast around on a Saturday night and just plonk it on tables rather than speaking or being disappointed later.

….. and I agree with your other comment. How many of the 105 were even into “that sort of thing”. Perhaps they need another study of images of men holding different size and shapes of electrically operated tools….

BimboGeek 10:50 pm 09 Apr 13

Then who’s paying for all those butt implants?

Blen_Carmichael 9:31 pm 09 Apr 13

And in news to hand, research proves men are attracted to women with big gazoombas but not those with big arses…

bundah 4:41 pm 09 Apr 13

johnboy said :

bundah said :

So not only is a large penis important to those surveyed but one has to be tall as well for a short person doesn’t cut it.Well haven’t these women really raised the bar and if this is indicative of what women really want then most men are well and truly buggered.

If that’s what they’re into…

Ha intelligent women are very creative at role play!

dpm 4:36 pm 09 Apr 13

bundah said :

So not only is a large penis important to those surveyed but one has to be tall as well for a short person doesn’t cut it.Well haven’t these women really raised the bar and if this is indicative of what women really want then most men are well and truly buggered.

Theoretically, natural selection will sort it out for everyone in a few thousand years. 🙂

johnboy 4:31 pm 09 Apr 13

bundah said :

So not only is a large penis important to those surveyed but one has to be tall as well for a short person doesn’t cut it.Well haven’t these women really raised the bar and if this is indicative of what women really want then most men are well and truly buggered.

If that’s what they’re into…

bundah 4:31 pm 09 Apr 13

So not only is a large penis important to those surveyed but one has to be tall as well for a short person doesn’t cut it.Well haven’t these women really raised the bar and if this is indicative of what women really want then most men are well and truly buggered.

Roundhead89 4:09 pm 09 Apr 13

I usually refer to the ANU as The University of East Bumcrack but after reading this I’m thinking of Ian Warden’s School of Inconsequential Studies he used to satirise in the CT in the 1980s.

Seriously, we give money to the ANU to come up with crap like this? So women find big penii to be attractive. Gay men do as well. Does this come as a surprise to anybody?

The ANU is fast becoming a national joke with this sort of thing and their “climate science” (climate Scientology) nonsense.

Holden Caulfield 4:03 pm 09 Apr 13

johnboy said :

displacement in a water jug would surely be a simpler measure?

Nice euphemism.

Dilandach 3:47 pm 09 Apr 13

(Length * Diameter)+(weight/girth)/(yaw)

dustytrail 3:06 pm 09 Apr 13

johnboy said :

it’s data about opinions.

Sure it is, Johnboy …. LOL

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