Clubbing in Canberra
1. If you want to see girls in skimpy, bright clothes and listen to
music that goes doof, doof, doof all night, go to academy.
2. If you want to wear your suit with pride and drink ****tails with All the other “wanna-be’s” who never will be, go to Hippo Bar or Holy Grail in Kingston.
3. If you want to get laid, go to PJ O’Reilly’s in Tuggerangong, King O’Malley’s
in the City or any other pub with an Irish name.
4. If you want to get kissed by a drunken old German man, go to the Harmony
German Club or the Irish Club in Weston.
5. If you want to pick up within the first ten minutes of arriving, you An always try the vast array of Aussie chicks who cant dance to save
themselves at ICBM. All you have to do is call out “Tracey!!” or “Cheryl!!” and you’ll be right mate.
6. If you want to wear black dress pants, tight fitting coloured shirts with six
of your mates in the same gear and drink imported beers, go to B Bar in Kingston.
7. If you want to see the absolute scum of the earth – go to the
Chisholm Tavern for half price beers from 6 till 7pm.
8. If you drive a WB Ute complete with bull-bar, two meter UHF Aerial,
“shoot ferals” and “get real, get wool” stickers, wear R.M’s moleskins & chambray shirts and claim your family was originally “from the land”, go to the Royal aka “level one” in Queanbeyan.
9. If you would like to see girls in white pants with dirty knees, go To South Pac. One of the few places where girls use the pick-up line “Hi, I’m 16” and it actually works!!!
10. If you want a cheap feed that doesn’t taste like crap (after 16
beers does anything taste like crap?), go to Chicken Gourmet or the Pizza stand out the front of KC’s. Now you can afford to eat out every night!
11. If you don’t want to have to shave your armpits, think peroxide
>spikes are sexy, or otherwise like the female population, head to
Tilley’s in Lyneham.
12. If you want some competition – any kind really, glam, sham, or Macho man, look no further than Quatro; some of the passive aggressive
types…..hey what you looking at?
13. Cheap drinks, cheap clothes, and Uni students on tap, head to the RSL Club
on Saturday night.
14. If you want to try your luck competing with 30-something year olds For some of that glamour tail, Holy Grail in Civic is the place to be!
15. If you want to watch drunken girl brawls started over being pushed Off the podium or out of their space on the dance floor go to up stairs Moose.
16. Tripping and need some music to go off to? Babylon (Lebanon) is the place for you!
17. If you have ever gone to Daramalan, or are even associated with
anyone that is there or has gone there, try Shooters.
18. If you were feeling a bit fired up and wanted to get into a brawl,
Jackson’s always had someone waiting there for you. Pity it closed
19. If you know f*#k all about music, or have atrocious taste, but like The idea of kids on drugs, you might be tempted by one of the fabulous raves at Lot 33.
20. If you are gay, lesbian, bisexual, confused, off chops on ecstasy, And Insomnia and Babylon aren’t doing it for you, go to The Cube (not Advisable if you are homophobic!!!).
21. If you are a ‘gangsta’, ‘fully sick’ or your whole body is covered In hair, even if you’re a so called female, go to FM’s.
22. If you are in the Public Service, mid 20’s, and are waiting for the
right time to ‘come out of the closet’, go to Corvo’s.
23. If you like the smell of vomit and the worst karaoke EVER, The Old
Canberra Inn will feel like home.
24. If you love ****tails, Midouri Illusions in the shaker glasses and
think that you are cooler than the rest of Canberra’s population, go to In Blue