18 June 2009

Do People Even Notice, Let Alone Help????

| MrMagoo
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As many Rioters may know, I have a vision impairment and as such from time to time encounter obstacles etc in my day to day activities. Yesterday morning I dropped my youngest at his Day Care and proceeded to the Cohen St. Action Bus Station. I entered from the side off Josephson St and approached the two bus stops below the street level. Having never used this entry point I misjudged the distances of steps and with a bit of sun glare had a tumble up a gutter in front of about 15 – 20 high school age kids. Now I’m not one for sympathy or having people fuss over me, but not one of these kids asked if I was OK, I actually saw several turn away and laugh.

Now perhaps I’m old fashioned, but do people actually give a toss about other people these days when they are in obvious or even not so obvious need?

Have people stopped caring about the welfare of others and simply worry about themselves? Interested in peoples views on this.

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johnboy said :

2,000 years ago the idea of helping out strangers in distress was so novel that a story about it got written up and preserved in scripture to this day.

Variations of the same lesson date back thousands of years before that – I guess the ‘golden rule’ was treated as commonsense. These days it may be more…

“Do not do unto others as you would expect they should do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same.”. George Bernard Shaw (apparently).

2,000 years ago the idea of helping out strangers in distress was so novel that a story about it got written up and preserved in scripture to this day.

ant said :

You see it all around. People being thoughtful and decent is diminishing. We’re more selfish and angry than we were a few decades back. We expect “the authorities” to look after problems on our behalf where we used to just muck in and sort it out.

There are still decent folk out there, but they are a diminishing minority.

So, this golden age — in which everyone helped one another without hesitation in times of need, in which children were friendly and respectful without exception, and drivers were courteous and considerate of those they shared the roads with.

When was this exactly?

Hells_Bells749:21 am 19 Jun 09

When I’ve been sprawled there is always somebody to pick me up if I don’t rebound quick. But they’re my angels and the rest of the world around could care less. Just the way I see it.

I have had people snarl at me when i have offered assistance. They are in the minority, and i don’t sweat them. I will always offer assistance to all that need it. It is their choice to accept it, or not. no skin off my nose, at least I have offered. I would rather have the opportunity to help than walk by, as it will guilt me out for the rest of the day. (my mother’s voice in the back of my head is very distracting)

There have always been rude people, there always will be.
It was probably not so much that these children were completely indifferent of cold hearted, but probably not sure what to do, or what was appropriate, and therefore did nothing.
There is also the ‘dimished responsibility’ mentality when people are in a group.
It can be hard to know what is appropriate, or if you are going to offend someone by trying to help them. Some people react quite poorly from being offered assistance.
especially if it is a pride things (“NO, I am quite capable on my own thankyou!”) I have experienced this kind of reaction in the past when offering to help a person with a physical disability who appeared to be distresses. I was very unsure of what to do after being yelled at so just left them be, still unable to move their wheelchair. I have experience with people with a disability and am not uncomfortable about it. Now some children wouldn’t really know how to behave, or what is appropriate and might be fearful of getting a negative reaction.
The are kind and considerate people out there, and I think it can have a lot to do with what you focus on.
As well, if you think about the fact that people are living with more stress, and depression and other mental illnesses are far more predominant these days, it would kind of make sense that people would be ruder. (Although I am not saying that they are)

I remember once many years ago (maybe 25 or so) having a massive bike crash on the way to school; bad – blood everywhere, mangled bike etc… and nobody stopped their car to assist me, leaving me to try to stagger home with my mangled bike. There must have been 100 cars that drove past me that day. It isn’t just kids and it isn’t just nowdays.

deezagood said :

Adults can be really rude too; at Aldi a few weeks ago, there was myself and another fellow (both of us with huge trolleys of groceries) and a frail old lady was standing behind me with one carton of milk. I asked the man if he would mind if the lady jumped in ahead of us; and he literally said ‘Why are you asking, can’t the lady ask for herself – and yes, I do mind’. I was staggered!

That exemplifies the tendency some of us are commenting on here. It’s not just the kids. It’s their parents, too. I’m often the person with one or two items in thsoe whopping Aldi lines, and quite often, the person in front of me with half a kilometre of stuff lets me jump ahead. And I admit to doing the same when I’ve got a load and am paying by card, and someone’s just grabbing something and stuck behind me.

Today sevearl people let me across roundabouts that were chockers in Qbn (due to Morriset roadworks, the whole town locked up) and I made sure to give them a wave, but there were plenty of others who weren’t helping people out like that.

You see it all around. People being thoughtful and decent is diminishing. We’re more selfish and angry than we were a few decades back. We expect “the authorities” to look after problems on our behalf where we used to just muck in and sort it out.

There are still decent folk out there, but they are a diminishing minority.

I have fallen over in public and badly hurt myself on numerous occasions. People have come to my aid on each occasion – including in Belconnen. One poor man came to help me only to be abused by my husband who didnt realise I had fallen over and thought I was being mugged.
There are still good people out there.

Felix the Cat10:09 pm 18 Jun 09

deezagood said :

Adults can be really rude too; at Aldi a few weeks ago, there was myself and another fellow (both of us with huge trolleys of groceries) and a frail old lady was standing behind me with one carton of milk. I asked the man if he would mind if the lady jumped in ahead of us; and he literally said ‘Why are you asking, can’t the lady ask for herself – and yes, I do mind’. I was staggered!

I would of told the bloke to GGF if he’s responded to me in that way. I have been lined up at Aldi several times with only a few items and the person (usually female) with the week’s worth of groceries on the conveyer belt in front of me has asked if I want to go first. Never happend at Woolies or Coles.

I was at a club the other day and was at the bar waiting to be served and the barman asked who was next (even though he knew I was next) and before I could respond this tosser who was next to me started sprouting his order and then he turned to me and tried to make a joke out of it and said something like “I have more drinks to get than you so I’ll go first”. The barman heard this and stopped pouring his drink and asked me what I wanted.

I have been queue jumped on several occasions by older people at different shops, mostly I just let it ride believing karma will sort it out eventually but it is just a reflection on the ways of the world these days. It’s not just Gen Y* that are arrogant and self-centred.

*Sweeping generalisation I know but the majority of them I have to deal with are that way

bd84 said :

Why blame the kids? It’s not their fault, it’s the way society is these days.

What a load of balony. Yes it is their fault if they are rude and non caring. It is their choice. Don’t blame society, they must have heard somewhere that being nice to people gives you warm fuzzies and is the right thing to do, many a sitcoms have that as a moral to them. Even the Simpsons has that for many episodes. It’s their choice to ignore that message and therefore it is their fault.

Oh no wait I suppose bd84 does have a point. It’s always someone elses fault. I think I might stop caring for others from now on until everyone else starts to.

Why blame the kids? It’s not their fault, it’s the way society is these days. People whinge when something unfortunate happens to them and nobody helps, but they learn that off adults and from bad experiences. You’re just as likely to get verbally abused, sued or bashed by the person you go to help. The world is about helping yourself these days.

That makes me very sad Mr Magoo. I hope your day got better.

BerraBoy68 said :

Public school kids always need even more admonishment because their families are always poor and the kids do nothing but hang around streets smoking, doing drugs and robbing private school kids houses. Just thought I’d jump on the rediculous generalisation bandwagon while one was going by, VY:)

As for quoting the Bible, shheesh. I can draw relevant quotes from a few MAD or Phantom comics if anybody wants to learn from other fairy tales.

Sorry for what happened to you Magoo. Kids can be a real pain sometimes, especially when they’re in a pack. I dare say there were one or two that would have helped but were probably scared to come forward after their peers started laughing. Hope your day got better though!

what berraboy said.

VYBerlinaV8_the_one_they_all_copy said :

Just select a private school at random, ring and complain. Teenagers need more practice on the ‘unfair’ side of the equation anyway.

Public school kids always need even more admonishment because their families are always poor and the kids do nothing but hang around streets smoking, doing drugs and robbing private school kids houses. Just thought I’d jump on the rediculous generalisation bandwagon while one was going by, VY:)

As for quoting the Bible, shheesh. I can draw relevant quotes from a few MAD or Phantom comics if anybody wants to learn from other fairy tales.

Sorry for what happened to you Magoo. Kids can be a real pain sometimes, especially when they’re in a pack. I dare say there were one or two that would have helped but were probably scared to come forward after their peers started laughing. Hope your day got better though!

chewy14 said :

Brindabella said :

2 Timothy 3:3

OK let me get out my trusty Bible that i keep on my person at all times, waiting for someone to quote scripture to me.

read both from my trusty bible, electronic version.

wednesday said :

…The kids with a shred of conscience will probably take the admonition in and stop feeling pressured by any idiots they’re hanging around with.

Of course they will. For ten minutes. Or until they are in the situation again, whichever is shorter.

If they are teenages they would have worked out long ago that the worst punishment they can possibly recieve from the school (and probably parents) is that a teacher will pull them aside and say “Thats not nice. Perhaps you should have helped that man insead of laughing”. Let’s face it, that is not a severe enough punishment for them to break away from the peer pressure and risk having themselves laughed at. It is ALWAYS easier and cooler to laugh at someone else then having yourself laughed at.

Adults can be really rude too; at Aldi a few weeks ago, there was myself and another fellow (both of us with huge trolleys of groceries) and a frail old lady was standing behind me with one carton of milk. I asked the man if he would mind if the lady jumped in ahead of us; and he literally said ‘Why are you asking, can’t the lady ask for herself – and yes, I do mind’. I was staggered!

This makes me feel very sad. I really hope I am raising our kids to be better citizens than that. I guess a lot of kids model their behaviour on what they see their parents do (or don’t do).

VYBerlinaV8_the_one_they_all_copy3:43 pm 18 Jun 09

Just select a private school at random, ring and complain. Teenagers need more practice on the ‘unfair’ side of the equation anyway.

ahappychappy3:26 pm 18 Jun 09

I think Dr. Evil has hit the nail on the head.

Unfortunately, I think the majority of people now wouldn’t help out, whether young teens or even middle aged adults. I remember a few years ago when I was a “snotty teenager”, having quite a major accident on my bike. Not one person (as I was walking along the grass the side of Drakeford Drive against traffic) noticed or bothered to ask if I was okay. Also, I waited at a set of traffic lights for the green man to say hello and still nobody asked if I was okay.

I think that it probably is a sad situation for both parties. The “snotty teenager” wont stop and help their elders when in need, however alot of elders write off all teenagers as snotty and wont help them either.

It’s unfortunate, but I think if it was a single teenager instead of a group, you probably would’ve had someone help you up. Peer pressure and social standing (“Oh my god, Brian helped that old man up, what a goody goody” – Immature and trivial but you get my point) seem to dictate too much of a young one’s beliefs.

If you recognise the uniform, tell the school about it! Private schools especially will take it seriously. The kids with a shred of conscience will probably take the admonition in and stop feeling pressured by any idiots they’re hanging around with.

chewy14 said :

Brindabella said :

2 Timothy 3:3

OK let me get out my trusty Bible that i keep on my person at all times, waiting for someone to quote scripture to me.

Google is the 22nd century jesus. He even gives you pr0n without the guilt, or needing to sit near a priest on a sunday

peterh said :

Ozi said :

Very sad they had that reaction, mate. Very poor form by them!

It’s a real shame, and you don’t deserve that sort of treatment at all. :/ However, there are still many people out there who would have given a stuff and actually gone to your aid, or at least expressed some form of compassion.

+1
I would have helped you, I do for all people who need it, be it in a car accident, needing directions, fallen over, etc etc.

Same.

Brindabella said :

2 Timothy 3:3

OK let me get out my trusty Bible that i keep on my person at all times, waiting for someone to quote scripture to me.

Brindabella said :

2 Timothy 3:3

psalm 73:22

2 Timothy 3:3

I agree with TP3000. Contact the school because they will want to know that there are students of theirs that are giving the school a bad name. Another good reason for school uniforms, you can identify where the little scroats come from.

I sincerely hope you weren’t hurt. There are still good people out there who would have helped, but sadly it seems most just walk past these days. So we really should be educating our up and coming citizens courtesy and respect. Mind you, I believe parents should be instilling these values, backed up by the schools. It shouldn’t be a school responsibility to be a parent.

I can recall being told plenty of times, and in many ways, to help when someone obviously needed help – but I don’t think we actually tell/teach others to do that anymore. Maybe we get a bit too literal on ‘stranger-dangers’ and focus on the potential negatives of attempting to help someone (seen Silence of the Lambs?). Maybe being a teenager with 19 other peers around makes it difficult to make the first (different) step towards an awkward looking situation. Chivalry used to be common but so many things have changed.

Thats just kids being kids mate, had this occured about 15 years ago when I was a snotty nosed little smartarse I probarbly would have laughed too.

I imagine that if you were helped by a bunch of smararse school kids hanging around at the bus stop would have been far more of a surprise.

I think you are the one who may be making such broad assumptions because of your sample set.

By this i mean, most people’s opinion of youth is based on those that they see roaming around at the mall or on the street during the day, then remember that for every teen you see out and about there is probably three or more who don’t go to the mall and walk the street for fun every day, They are the ones working hard in their part time jobs, studying, playing sport or practicing their hobbies instead.

>I think its your sample set. Group of teens, never going to help when its not for their own benefit (eg carrying circus gear as above), however in small groups maybe.

The kids that helped and were polite were not the kids that were doing the class and they knew that the equipment was for other students not them. Every time they have just been students that were in the playground near the doors. So actually there was no benefit for them.

I think its your sample set. Group of teens, never going to help when its not for their own benefit (eg carrying circus gear as above), however in small groups maybe.

Most other people would likely help in my experience.

chewy14 said :

Oh, i had no idea. How ghastly for them, surely someone should start a fund so they can get built forthwith.

Why should someone start a private fund? They’ll just stick their hand out to the education departtment, crying about how the public sector isnt looking after private-sector schools, like they always do, and if the government doesnt give them a new pool, theyll start on the whole ‘but private schools need government funding too’ argument again.

YapYapYap said :

Not quite so chewy. Everyone knows that the rowing sheds and pools are closed for demolition, to make way for new rowing sheds and pools.

Oh, i had no idea. How ghastly for them, surely someone should start a fund so they can get built forthwith.

Not quite so chewy. Everyone knows that the rowing sheds and pools are closed for demolition, to make way for new rowing sheds and pools.

I would also like to add that both of the high schools i’m talking about are in the Belconnen area.

If you are aware of the colour of the school uniform make enquiries to the schools with those colours.
If you were on my bus & told me about those twats I wouldn’t of let them on my bus & would of organized for a few buses after that to leave them behind or I’d turn around & mount the kerb to give them a nudge with my bus.
But I always keep an eye out if it looks like someone with a disability may be having difficulties & they get on for free most of the time.

In My opinion you were unlucky enough to run in to some of the young people in this town that give all of the others a bad name.

I have been working at two public high schools recently teaching students circus skills. I have lots of heavy and large equipment that i need to bring in and out of the school for each session. Every time i go to these high schools i am really impressed with the manners and helpful attitude of the students i encounter. Whether it be students coming to hold the doors open for us or even offering to help carry equipment and all of this of their own bat, not under instruction from their teachers.

So basically what I’m trying to say is that you probably ran in to some bad eggs, try not to let it taint you view of this younger generation. There are lots of wonderful young people out there that often get tared with the same brush as those idiots even though the don’t deserve it.

Growling Ferret said :

Magoo

They were teenagers and probably little private school tossers.

You should be grateful they didn’t take your wallet whilst you were down. It was in Belconnen after all….

Pfft, Far more likely to be Pubbo’s wagging school and looking to get into mischief.
Everyone knows the private school kids would be practising their rowing down by the lake or enjoying a swim in their school’s enclosed heated pool.

I think regardless of disability or circumstance or anything else, that we as society (there are of course exceptions) have moved away from some of the facets of our lives that made this country great. Helping your mate out is and or was one of them. Even if someone isn’t your mate, I was brought up that you offer a hand to people.

As I said I certainly wasn’t fishing for sympathy in this post, it just interests me that as a society it seems that people put themselves first before anyone else. I certainly wasn’t brought up that way.

Ozi said :

Very sad they had that reaction, mate. Very poor form by them!

It’s a real shame, and you don’t deserve that sort of treatment at all. :/ However, there are still many people out there who would have given a stuff and actually gone to your aid, or at least expressed some form of compassion.

+1
I would have helped you, I do for all people who need it, be it in a car accident, needing directions, fallen over, etc etc.

Ok well, then that’s pretty bad form from snotty teenagers.

RAGD said :

MrMagoo, Is it noticeable that you are vision impared? Do you carry a walking cane?
I assume since you are capable of dropping your kid off at school and are capable of knowing street names, that you are capable of seeing somethings.

I am just asking, if to a teenager, you just look a normal middle aged guy taking a tumble? or is it obvious that you have a vision imparement?

If it’s the latter, the what the kids did is pretty bad. But if you just look like a normal healthy guy falling over, then a laugh is pretty much all you can expect from a bunch of teenagers.

Yes i do carry a cane, it’s ahorter cane known as an ID cane or can that idetifies me as having a VI. Needless to say that on this occasion it didn’t help much. I must say that previously is has proven to be a useful aide.

I’m not sure how long you’ve been here, housebound, but it’s not the Canberra I grew up in. We would get a verbal smack from our Principal if the school heard of any of us being rude, ignorant, or generally unpleasant in public, especially if we had our uniforms on. Mind you, schools probably aren’t allowed to do that now, in case they damage the little petals’ fragile egos.

I do still give a toss about other people, and try to be courteous where I can. I still believe that a kindness given will eventually be returned, but I do think that there is less consideration given publicly, and unless these kids see someone being decent to another, how do they learn?

Yep, I’ve also been on the pointy end of a sharp tongue after offering assistance, but I put that down to the individual being a grump. In my polyanna world, I still think it’s nice to get a smile or a nod for a simple courtesy.

MrMagoo, Is it noticeable that you are vision impared? Do you carry a walking cane?
I assume since you are capable of dropping your kid off at school and are capable of knowing street names, that you are capable of seeing somethings.

I am just asking, if to a teenager, you just look a normal middle aged guy taking a tumble? or is it obvious that you have a vision imparement?

If it’s the latter, the what the kids did is pretty bad. But if you just look like a normal healthy guy falling over, then a laugh is pretty much all you can expect from a bunch of teenagers.

ant said :

.. or if they’re feeling helpful, they get out their mobiles and call teh police or someone.

Used to be people relied on others for help… as kids we were taught to run to another person for help if we got into trouble, or were chased by a “strange man”, now that sense of there being help all around seems to have vanished.

While not so much on-topic for this thread, I find myself in a very difficult position with kids like this. As an unmarried 30-something male, the risk of helping, or even the risk of being seen interacting with a random child whos not yours, are simply too great.

Maybe a big part of it too, for adults, is that as society has started helping out less, people expect it less, encouraging people to help themselves out. This leads us into a self-help way of thinking.

Growling Ferret11:20 am 18 Jun 09

Magoo

They were teenagers and probably little private school tossers.

You should be grateful they didn’t take your wallet whilst you were down. It was in Belconnen after all….

Very sad they had that reaction, mate. Very poor form by them!

It’s a real shame, and you don’t deserve that sort of treatment at all. :/ However, there are still many people out there who would have given a stuff and actually gone to your aid, or at least expressed some form of compassion.

High school kids are jerks, but I reckon that’s always been the case.

Canberra’s been like this as long as I’ve been here.

I’d have to agree that things have changed. I’m in my early 20’s but I was taught growing up to respect the elderly, and help someone if they are in need. Working in Weston where there are a lot of elderly people, I’ve seen a fair few tumbles, and it is so disappointing to see people just ignore it and keep walking. I know some people may not be comfortable approaching the person, but it doesn’t hurt to ask if they are ok. Young kids these days don’t seem to have much respect for others (I’m not grouping them all together, I know there are some who would help), but even being on packed buses when I used to catch them to school, people wouldn’t get up and offer their seat to someone who may have needed it more than they did. Times have definitely changed.

Hope your day panned out better than how it started MrMagoo.

Things have definitely changed. We used to be a fairly civil society, now people hang back if someone’s in trouble, look away, or if they’re feeling helpful, they get out their mobiles and call teh police or someone.

Used to be people relied on others for help… as kids we were taught to run to another person for help if we got into trouble, or were chased by a “strange man”, now that sense of there being help all around seems to have vanished.

People have withdrawn into their homes like crabs into a shell, pulling the door shut behind.

MrMagoo, that’s an awful way to start your day. I think if you’d caught the teenagers in a smaller group or individually, most of them would have had a different reaction (I hope). I know that if I were there I would have checked to see you were OK.

I experienced similar frustrations when caring for my father before he passed away. People blatantly stared at him, making him feel self conscious about going out and, as for being considerate in letting me manoeuvre his wheelchair around – forget it! On the other side of things, I recently copped a mouthful of abuse when I helped an elderly woman get up from a tumble.

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