How to catch a milk thief in the public service?

ThatUniStudent 1 June 2011 96

Hi, I’m posting this on behalf of a person who bugged me to friend. This friend works in a government department as a public slave servant. They like a cup of coffee now and then as they work shift work and like to stay alert. They also like to have breakfast at work some early days. So they usually take in a 2 litre bottle of milk now and then. They clearly label it as theirs. The problem, it seems, is people steal it.

At first it was small amounts, not worth worrying about. Now it seems wholesale. My friend had taken to marking the level of milk with a texta. People got around this by either:

  • Rubbing out the mark badly and drawing a new one in.
  • Adding new marks.
  • Worst of all, adding water to the milk.

In the last case my friend has twice seen the same co-worker remove a cup full of milk which that person hides away, then add a cup full of water to the milk.

Lately, someone has simply taken to stealing the whole 2 litre bottle of milk. They work in a large open plan office of about 200 people. They are not sure who has been doing it. They would like to find out. As the office is in a secure area, use of cameras is not permitted.

My spin on this is that my friend should just lock their milk in their desk and be damned if it is warm. Or just live with the occasional theft.

But I am sure many of you have far more devious, humerus, downright evil creative ways of catching a milk thief. Please remember though that any method should not incapacitate a person or affect their permanent ability to work, because that might get my friend in hot water.


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96 Responses to How to catch a milk thief in the public service?
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Devil Devil 10:12 pm 26 Sep 11

Hmm, you know what I would do?

Add tiny frozen prawns to decoy milk and/or tiny broccoli bits that I’m pretty sure float on milk. mm-mm, coffee is served.

http://angelanddeviladvice.blogspot.com

EvanJames EvanJames 10:25 am 08 Sep 11

legal said :

I’m never having a coffee at a govt dept again!

It’s quite safe, so long as you use your OWN milk. Milk thieves get everything they deserve.

legal legal 2:38 am 08 Sep 11

so many great ideas!
I’m never having a coffee at a govt dept again!
laxative (it is ok so long as you label it as contains laxative and you also consume it, even in little coffee dollops)
no poop, spittle, wee or knobs, cmon many people just want a dash of milk in their coffee

maybe put your milk in a baby bottle with a teet? Or a specimen jar.
Or get yourself some long life milk capsules.

Or, grab the petty cash and buy some bloody milk! great 15 minute break that us non-smokers can’t get!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pandy Pandy 11:06 pm 07 Sep 11

milkman said :

Get a normal carton of fresh, name brand milk. Take it to bathroom, open it, and rub your knob all around the opening. When it gets used, giggle.

ROFLMOL!!!!

milkman milkman 5:07 am 07 Sep 11

Get a normal carton of fresh, name brand milk. Take it to bathroom, open it, and rub your knob all around the opening. When it gets used, giggle.

Henry82 Henry82 12:40 am 07 Sep 11

If i was working there, and i found poison written on the bottle, i’d throw it in the bin. It shouldn’t be with peoples food.

If you put laxative/poison in it, you could be responsible if they die (or are extremely ill). While it sounds a funny way to catch someone. Some idiot might actually read the advice and give it a go.

EvanJames EvanJames 11:27 pm 06 Sep 11

Pandy said :

Write “Poison” on the bottle.

Put “poison” in the bottle. or soap.

Pandy Pandy 10:34 pm 06 Sep 11

Write “Poison” on the bottle.

Savanna100 Savanna100 8:58 pm 06 Sep 11

Syrup of Ipecac should do the trick

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Syrup_of_ipecac

The Antichrist The Antichrist 8:55 pm 06 Sep 11

Chief Ten Beers said :

This is what they do at the Public Service all day? No wonder it takes them so long to get things done

This is the best trolling that hayseeds can come up with ? All hat no cattle !!!

KarlV KarlV 7:52 pm 06 Sep 11

I used to use UHT mini cartons. I’ve now moved to decanting milk into empty 600ml water bottles. I can write an expired date on it and leave it at the back of the fridge. We don’t have regular fridge nazi cleanouts so it is pretty safe.

Prior to using the empty water bottles I also used a 1L carton at my new workplace .,,,,, I did catch someone using my milk. They did not realize it was mine. They were making a coffee as I walked past. I stopped to say g’day as they made their coffee. As I watched them make I saw them casually take out my milk and add it to their brew. I was like ‘what the f$u&!!!’.

They got the message………..

I-filed I-filed 5:38 pm 06 Sep 11

Get a very small padlock, buy milk in a carton, and padlock it!

Henry82 Henry82 3:40 pm 06 Sep 11

kobra said :

As its a secure area, instead of a camera use your mobile phone(tape it to some side of the wall or behind some appliance).

So the thief gets milk for the day AND a mobile phone?

KB1971 KB1971 3:21 pm 06 Sep 11

kobra said :

As its a secure area, instead of a camera use your mobile phone(tape it to some side of the wall or behind some appliance), start recording,…get it back end of the day..grab the thief..

Yaeh, this worked a treat for a guy at ADFA 😛

Gungahlin Al Gungahlin Al 2:40 pm 06 Sep 11

Same problem last month seemingly from a new arrival. Friend tipped me off that water and non-toxic PVA glue looks identical to milk. Been the source of much pleasure to see the decoy carton has been used by someone… 😀

poetix poetix 2:10 pm 06 Sep 11

Label it ‘Dog hormones’.

kobra kobra 2:09 pm 06 Sep 11

As its a secure area, instead of a camera use your mobile phone(tape it to some side of the wall or behind some appliance), start recording,…get it back end of the day..grab the thief..

PBO PBO 1:54 pm 06 Sep 11

Label it “Fresh squeezed penis milk”.

Silveras Silveras 1:45 pm 06 Sep 11

One idea would be to lace the milk with laxatives and then the waiting game begins…

Homeless Homeless 9:30 pm 02 Jun 11

Genie said :

deejay said :

Genie said :

I’m confused – where in the public service does this person work?

Every Government department I’ve ever worked for provides milk for use of tea and coffee.

Let me guess, you’ve only worked for central agencies, right? Us plebs in portfolio and CAC agencies have to buy our own.

Even when I was at a tiny division within the ACT Public Service, we had milk supplied along with tea and coffee. I’ve never worked anywhere that DOESN’T supply these basics..

The signs at some workplaces stating that the milk is only to be used to tea and coffee and not people’s cereal or milo drinks cracks me right up but !

The OP’s mate works in an office with 200 people and is a shift worker. It dosn’t take a genius to work out that the milk does not last for 200 people and all night.

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