Pickup lines are one of those rare things that are probably less common than they used to be. When I picture someone using a pickup line I picture them with a mullet, 80s porn moustache and a wife beater, jeans and thongs. Have you seen Orange is the New Black? Pornstache is what comes to mind when pickup lines are thrown around.
I’ve never had a really lame pickup line used on me, just the usual conversation starters at a bar like ‘hey, how are you’ or ‘how rude was that guy that just cut in front of you’, pretty generic stuff that closely resembles a human conversation.
When I put the question to my friends however, a lot of them came back with some interesting gems.
“How about we ditch your friends and start our own two person party.”
“Do you have some {insert race} in you?” “No” “Would you like some?”
“I’m over 40.”
I have more but I’m trying to refrain from using profanity in this article. You’d actually be surprised by how many people wrote to me with full on hardcore pickup lines involving body fluid and women’s body parts.. or maybe you wouldn’t.
Classy right? After getting those responses the curiosity hit me so I headed to my old friend Google for some explanations.
I then came across a wonderfully forward thinking men’s website that listed one of the top 10 pickup lines – Be Goofy: You walk up to a girl, grab her by the arm, kind of grip firmly, and say, “You’re going to kiss me or I’m going to punch you in the nose!” – Jonathan.
Thanks Jonathan, oh wait you’re serving time for domestic violence charges? What a shame you sound like a stand-up guy!
I can imagine most of these pickup lines would be met with a very sarcastic eye roll and perhaps even a scoffing like noise. Let’s look at some of the reasons why pickup lines don’t actually work:
- They don’t start a conversation
- They inevitably sound creepy
- She’s already made her decision by the time you open your mouth
Google also brought me a psychology paper from 2012 that really took all the fun out of this topic and broke everything down into experiments, big words and introverts vs extroverts. Note to self, Google isn’t just for finding funny memes and sexist websites.
Every relationship whether it’s long or short starts with that first step, a first impression, let’s choose wisely shall we.
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