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Pickup Lines People have REALLY used

By Samara Gentle - 19 September 2014 15

dating-drinks

Pickup lines are one of those rare things that are probably less common than they used to be. When I picture someone using a pickup line I picture them with a mullet, 80s porn moustache and a wife beater, jeans and thongs. Have you seen Orange is the New Black? Pornstache is what comes to mind when pickup lines are thrown around.

I’ve never had a really lame pickup line used on me, just the usual conversation starters at a bar like ‘hey, how are you’ or ‘how rude was that guy that just cut in front of you’, pretty generic stuff that closely resembles a human conversation.

When I put the question to my friends however, a lot of them came back with some interesting gems.

“How about we ditch your friends and start our own two person party.”

“Do you have some {insert race} in you?” “No” “Would you like some?”

“I’m over 40.”

I have more but I’m trying to refrain from using profanity in this article. You’d actually be surprised by how many people wrote to me with full on hardcore pickup lines involving body fluid and women’s body parts.. or maybe you wouldn’t.

Classy right? After getting those responses the curiosity hit me so I headed to my old friend Google for some explanations.

I then came across a wonderfully forward thinking men’s website that listed one of the top 10 pickup lines – Be Goofy: You walk up to a girl, grab her by the arm, kind of grip firmly, and say, “You’re going to kiss me or I’m going to punch you in the nose!” – Jonathan.

Thanks Jonathan, oh wait you’re serving time for domestic violence charges? What a shame you sound like a stand-up guy!

I can imagine most of these pickup lines would be met with a very sarcastic eye roll and perhaps even a scoffing like noise. Let’s look at some of the reasons why pickup lines don’t actually work:

  • They don’t start a conversation
  • They inevitably sound creepy
  • She’s already made her decision by the time you open your mouth

Google also brought me a psychology paper from 2012 that really took all the fun out of this topic and broke everything down into experiments, big words and introverts vs extroverts. Note to self, Google isn’t just for finding funny memes and sexist websites.

Every relationship whether it’s long or short starts with that first step, a first impression, let’s choose wisely shall we.

What’s Your opinion?


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15 Responses to
Pickup Lines People have REALLY used
Antagonist 2:55 pm 22 Sep 14

I may not be the best looking guy here, but I am the only one talking to you.

Truffle56 11:52 am 22 Sep 14

Have you got any Queensland in you? No? Want some?

Ben_Dover 11:25 am 22 Sep 14

“Do you have some {insert race} in you?” “No” “Would you like some?”

“Do any of the girls in the audience have any Irish in them? Would you like a little more Irish in you?”
Phill Lynott from “Thin Lizzy : Live and Dangerous.”

My fave, (on the dance floor) “You don’t sweat much for a fat lass, do you?”

curmudgery 10:04 am 22 Sep 14

With an engagingly naughty smile you say “Gee, you scrub up or’right, don’t ‘cha.”

Later, you ask “How much do you pay in credit card interest each month?”

If her answer sounds anything like “I don’t know.” you say . . .

“Bye.”

VYBerlinaV8_is_back 8:21 am 22 Sep 14

How about some openers (pickup or otherwise) that women have used on men?

Antagonist 5:02 pm 21 Sep 14

rosscoact said :

I want to make a lampshade out of your skin.

Because you light up my life.

Guaranteed to work 😀

Reminds me of a movie. “It puts the lotion on its skin or it gets the hose again!” 🙂

Pick up lines never work. Just be direct about what you want from her. 9 slaps in the face is worth it when number 10 pays dividends. Consider it a numbers game. I have been married to the last one it worked on for over 10 years now.

Pork Hunt 4:21 pm 21 Sep 14

Your father was a thief, he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes…

milkman 6:50 am 21 Sep 14

•She’s already made her decision by the time you open your mouth

Guess she’s not even worth talking to then!

dungfungus 8:42 am 20 Sep 14

rosscoact said :

I want to make a lampshade out of your skin.

Because you light up my life.

Guaranteed to work 😀

It wouldn’t work well in some countries.

rosscoact 5:46 am 20 Sep 14

I want to make a lampshade out of your skin.

Because you light up my life.

Guaranteed to work 😀

dtc 7:57 pm 19 Sep 14

You dont need a pick up line, you need an ice breaker that leads to further conversation – but not one that is really boring that people respond to our of politeness only and then walk away.

justin heywood 6:18 pm 19 Sep 14

arescarti42 said :

Personally I’m a big fan of occupation specific pickup lines. The engineers have some crackers…. For example:

Yes, but Canberra is a Public Service town, so it makes it a bit more difficult to get some nice innuendo happening.

But it’s probably the only place in the world where “Hey, I’m an EL2 over at DFAT” might actually work.

Proboscus 4:52 pm 19 Sep 14

My favourite pick up line is from Ron Burgundy – “I’m very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany”

arescarti42 1:20 pm 19 Sep 14

Personally I’m a big fan of occupation specific pickup lines. The engineers have some crackers, but IMO, economists take the cake for best pickup lines. For example:

“If I were the inelastic side of the market, I’d want you to be the excess burden of taxation, so that you’d fall heavily upon me”.

And for those who want to be a bit more risque:

“I’ll be capital, you be labor – you know the rest”

Hint, hint: Y=AK^b*L^a ? You lady economists know what I’m talking about.

chewy14 1:01 pm 19 Sep 14

First rule of pick up lines : Be attractive
Second rule of pick up lines: Don’t be unattractive

Note, these rules also work just as well for sexual harrassment.

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