The Barbies of Canberra

johnboy 7 March 2007 28

As sent in by Al, Discuss:

Mattel recently announced the release of limited-edition Barbie Dolls for the Canberra market:

“Manuka Barbie”
This princess Barbie is sold only in Manuka. She comes with an assortment of Prada Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey, a designer kitchen and Ikea furniture. Available with or without tummy tuck and face-lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.

“Gungahlin Barbie”
The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Honda Odessy Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation. Traffic jamming mobile phone sold separately. Comes complete with a red or yellow tiled house with a fresh coat of cement render.

“Queanbeyan Barbie”
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a carton of Holiday cigarettes (50 in each pack – super value!), a two litre bottle of home brand cola, a “lolux” with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable notes) …unless you are a cop, then we don’t know what you are talking about.

“Jerrabomberra Barbie”
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or wannabe Holden Hummer H3….. Included are her own cappucino cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. She has a big enough loan to move away from QBN, but not enough to move to Canberra!!

“Charnwood Barbie”
This pale model comes dressed in her own Jays Jays jeans two sizes too small, a Holden t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of the 440ml size Woodstock and Bourbon and the “all time greatest aussie BBQ songs” CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken’s butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a “I voted for a dragway” bumper sticker absolutely free!

“Kingston Foreshore Barbie”
This collagen injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears a leopard print outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends. Percocet prescription available as well as warehouse conversion condo. Comes complete with a coffee voucher for the old bus depot markets.

“Batemans Bay Barbie”
This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Butler Barbie’s house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Exclusively available at Ned Kelly Bargins!

“Ainslie Barbie”
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and crocs with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow. She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Point Breeze Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag and “save Dickson college” bumper sticker for free.

“Lanyon Barbie”
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a prepaid phone card, action bus pass and Lynx bum bag worn over the shoulder. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Statesman were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant. Only availabale at the Lanyon shops or the Tuggeranong Hyperdome

Apparently these are doing the email rounds, anyone who would like to claim credit should email us.

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28 Responses to The Barbies of Canberra
frosty frosty 1:01 pm 23 Mar 07


I nominate recycled email gags to replace sarcasm as the lowest form of wit.

Comment by stan_bowles — 7 March, 2007 @ 4:15 pm

Then why Stanley do you read the fucking things, get back to work you bludger

Al Al 11:29 am 09 Mar 07

If you are going to get into expanding measurements, perhaps we should consider Parliament House Barbie and Ken? With a wardrobe of expandable clothes…

bonfire bonfire 11:13 am 09 Mar 07

hey Vy, you forgot about ‘canberra arse’ which is what happens to young ps barbies when they arrive. after 12-18 months their pert rears becomne more umm rounded.

VYBerlinaV8 now_with_added grunt VYBerlinaV8 now_with_added grunt 10:49 am 09 Mar 07

I’ll confess that the above post wasn’t completely original, but seemed so appropriate.

Don’t feel cynical about the PS – consider yourself a realist instead.

Al Al 10:45 am 09 Mar 07

Wife was just saying “what about a PS Barbie?” Well done VY! Actually feeling a bit cynical about self and role now after reading that…sniff…

wonsworld wonsworld 5:18 pm 08 Mar 07

VY .. You play with Barbie but umm only when both Barbies are hot.. right?

VYBerlinaV8 now_with_added grunt VYBerlinaV8 now_with_added grunt 5:09 pm 08 Mar 07

What about Public Service Barbie?

The Public Servant Barbie hits the shelves in the Capital every February in force, typically imported from other capital cities. PS Barbie initially comes attired in a snappy pant/suit number with strappy shoes and a vibrant can-do attitude. Shoppers are advised to get in early for a PS Barbie, however, as stock becomes hard to find and quality rapidly deteriorates. Previously enthusiastic well-dressed Barbies decline to a state of apathetic submission as the PS culture and Canberra winter takes hold, enforcing a regiment of sub-standard dress and gradual abandonment of any hope PS Barbie had of “making a difference”. A typical PS Barbie conversation is likely to include expressions of frustration at the Canberra social scene and the reasons there are no good Ken dolls in Canberra. Unaccustomed shoppers may find the barrage of acronyms and PS “in-jokes” incomprehensible.

Finding a PS Barbie can be difficult at times owing to a combination of sick day, coffee break and “flex” related absences. Shoppers are best advised to try OPH of a Friday afternoon where PS Barbies congregate with the new PS Ken model. Ken comes attired in your choice of Treasury suit and tie or DAFF shorts, sandals and socks.

Casual Friday attire and Department logo coloured lanyard and security pass sold separately. PS Barbie will be more expensive on 1 July under the PS Barbie Certified Agreement, regardless of the performance of your doll, whether it turns up or does anything at all.

Indi Indi 3:37 pm 08 Mar 07

Green Trees – sounds like you are green with envy. Give me one of those ‘puppies’ from Manuka…oh and the Afghan hound looks good too.

GreenTrees GreenTrees 10:33 am 08 Mar 07

Ikea is for the wanna be types who have’nt quite made it (yet). You know the sort, small unit in Manuka, Kingston foreshore, etc. Trendy, young professionals (no kids) early to mid thirties who make $80k a year or about $130k combined. Enough to get buy on and live confortably but not really live the life that their credit card wants them to.

Having said this, it’s hard to justify $2500 for a TV cabinet and $1000 for a coffee table. Even if they are solid wood and the build quality is excellent. Funny though how nobody questions the $3500 on the HDTV.

snahon snahon 10:11 am 08 Mar 07

give me good ol’ solid wood any day 🙂 laminated chipboard is just that…

bonfire bonfire 10:02 am 08 Mar 07

ikea sucks arse.

poor quality. overpriced. lacks durability.

they sell an ‘image’.

they outsource noncore business like umm building furniture to YOU.

only a softhead woudl think their ikea decorated abode was cool.

Danman Danman 9:14 am 08 Mar 07

Ikea may not be the stuff of yuppies – but dont get me wrong – its not cheap either – in manufacture or price. Sure they have bargains – like 10 packs of incadescent lights – stools etc – but for the more major stuff – desks – tables shelving etc – its pretty good quality – and reasonable price.

Tripod have a cool song about wishing they worked for the company that makes the tv’s that you find at Ikea – If you have been there or Hardly Normal (or any other major furniture shop) you will know what I am on about .

Quite humorous – now im rambling… see ya…

VYBerlinaV8 now_with_added grunt VYBerlinaV8 now_with_added grunt 8:41 am 08 Mar 07

It’s actually pretty funny, even when you live in one of the suburbs mentioned. The giveaway that it’s a yank ripoff is that all the cars are US spec – the models shown have never been available here in that exact form (although the Lexus and Subaru are fairly close to Australian versions).

Have a laugh people, stereotypes are what make jokes funny!

bubzie bubzie 7:35 pm 07 Mar 07

lol 😀

Sammy Sammy 6:56 pm 07 Mar 07

and Ikea furniture

It was obviously written by someone who has never actually visited an IKEA store. For some reason, people think that IKEA is upper-class, when it is anything but.

I cannot imagine someone living in Manuka (and driving a Lexus SUV) taking the time to drive to Sydney, lug flat pack furniture back to Canberra, and then spend the weekend putting it together.

davo101 davo101 6:34 pm 07 Mar 07

Drunk and disorderly in charge of a computer…..

What I meant to say was you can also peruse the
Massachusetts Barbies or the Barbies of Houston

Al Al 4:54 pm 07 Mar 07

Damn, that was sarcasm. So I’ve ticked off both of Stan’s lowest rungs on the humour ladder in one thread. Bugger.

Al Al 4:52 pm 07 Mar 07

It was an email doing the rounds that I thought others might have a laugh over, because it had Canberra content.
Sheer: wish I had that sort of time (or creativity).
Recycled yank content? Probably. But shows some themes/stereotypes/inappropriate typecasting are universal.
Take it seriously? Hell no – it’s just a laugh at ourselves…
Stan I guess my level of wit must be pretty low then – I laughed, as did everyone else around here. I’d better go take some prozac and get some control over my wayward sense of humour…

LlamaFrog LlamaFrog 4:33 pm 07 Mar 07

and yet the trash in belconnen aren’t even mentioned. strange I would have thought that they would be combination of “Lanyon Barbie” and “Charnwood Barbie”

johnboy johnboy 4:29 pm 07 Mar 07

Also you obviously have yet to hear NTP’s puns.

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