Birthday party etiquette

Good question. I think people generally do want to see their gifts being opened and enjoyed. (Full marks to your Mrs.) Personally, I feel very awkward about opening gifts in front of others and watching others opening tablefuls of gifts, for much the same reasons as you do. (It appears that I must join you, sir, in the socially-awkward corner.)

We recently held a party for our preschooler and I hadn’t really thought about when/if she would open presents. While I was off doing something else, she started opening gifts en masse and seemed reasonably grateful – thank goodness!.

Unfortunately I don’t have any idea who gave her what, for the most part, which left me in a slightly awkward position vis a vis thanking gift-givers. There were a couple of really cool and/or extravagant gifts that I would really have liked to (privately) express extra thanks for, you know?

I think the child(ren) should be drilled in not expressing disappointment if they receive a present they don’t like. It’s never too early to learn manners in the sense of not hurting someone’s feelings. And there’s the whole thing of trying to make them open the card first. But you can’t expect a child not to want to open presents at a birthday party; that would be a tad cruel. It also means that time is taken up at the party, which is good for any abnormal parent who secretly hates large noisy groups of kiddies…

Adults often receive a present and stand looking at the wrapping until someone who is usefully bossy says ‘Aren’t you going to open it?’ God bless that person, I say.

I think it depends on the child really – my inlaws insist that everyone gathers around and watch while the presents are opened – my son is incredibly shy and hates doing it with a passion. He would much rather open the present with the person who gave it to him and thank them quietly. But trying to convince my other half that this wouldn’t be an insult to his family of epic proportions is problematic. I personally believe that it should be the choice of the person who’s birthday it is and let everyone else suck it up and deal.

HenryBG said :

Jethro said :

Here_and_Now said :

I can see both sides…usually when I’ve been at birthday parties, it’s the guests have insisted that presents be opened while everyone’s there. To most of the people, it seemed to simply be part of the proceedings. People were curious about what others had bought, but I don’t think there was any judging or jealousy.

In my experience (which is only mine, yours may vary), guests like to see presents opened at such parties.

I concur. If I give a gift I want to see them open it. It’s part of the transaction.

Exactly – the giver wants to witness the pleasure experienced by the child as they open their present.

I’ve always wondered what was going on with people who stash unopened presents somewhere and don’t have them opened as part of the celebration. A. Bit. Weird.

It almost makes the receiver seem a bit more selfish.

In days gone by the etiquette was that you didn’t open them in front of everyone for the reasons already mentioned. I think that it’s changed a bit these days – personally I would like to see my gift opened by the reciever but it doesn’t worry me either way. As long as they are happy.

Jethro said :

Here_and_Now said :

I can see both sides…usually when I’ve been at birthday parties, it’s the guests have insisted that presents be opened while everyone’s there. To most of the people, it seemed to simply be part of the proceedings. People were curious about what others had bought, but I don’t think there was any judging or jealousy.

In my experience (which is only mine, yours may vary), guests like to see presents opened at such parties.

I concur. If I give a gift I want to see them open it. It’s part of the transaction.

Exactly – the giver wants to witness the pleasure experienced by the child as they open their present.

I’ve always wondered what was going on with people who stash unopened presents somewhere and don’t have them opened as part of the celebration. A. Bit. Weird.

Personally, I groan when we go to a party when the gifts are sequestered and saved for later.
I think one of the joys of giving someone a present is seeing their reaction – especially if you’ve put a lot of effort into choosing it. It’s a two-way thing!
That gets lost if they are opened after everyone leaves. Otherwise, you may as well just give them cash.

After all, it’s not like a kid’s birthday is a formal wedding, with a registry! …2c…..

dundle said :

gentoopenguin said :

Without an outline of Mrs Dil’s points of reasoned argument, it is difficult to adjudicate fairly…

+1 this is unfair…

I agree with the people who say guests usually like to watch you open them. I generally get embarrassed doing it, but people seem to like it, and unless you have very judgmental friends they won’t worry about which present is “better”. Kids definitely won’t and I think it’s better to open at the party – they are usually all very excited by it!

Yes, Mrs Dil’s opinion is that its fun for everyone to see presents being opened.

As per usual, Mrs Dil’s opinion was the one that won out.

It’s a kid’s brthday party, let them open the presents.

Besides, it’s so normal to open presents that you can’t get away with the wedding trick of wrapping up some sticks in an old cereal box then swapping the cards with someone else’s present when you get there.

I think you’re losing sight of what’s most important here… what the birthday boy/girl wanted to do?
If they wanted to keep playing their birthday games and open the presents later, good on them for running around and being active 🙂 If they wanted to open the present the moment they saw it, yay they get a present on their birthday!! 🙂
I’m not saying either of you are more right than the other, both have valid points to their arguments. I just think there are more stressful things in life you could worry about, other than the point in time in which a child (not necessarily your own) opens their birthday present…