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Wedding etiquette in Canberra?

By Skidd Marx 27 September 2011 173

My fiance & I are to wed in February next year. We’re currently making out the invitations but we’ve locked horns in a big way as to the whole gift/wishing-well issue.

My feeling is that asking for anything is borderline rude, while wishing-wells are flat-out crude and chintzy. I’d sooner drink kool-aid than put one of those vomit-inducing “we want us cash” poems on the card.

However, Miss Marx-to-be argues that I’m too old-fashioned. Not only are wishing-wells normal and therefore acceptable these days, they also solve the problem of having to put the unwanted George Foreman grill on Ebay, as well as any confusion guests have as to whether they’re to bring anything or not. Furthermore she says, a wishing-well is a way of re-couping wedding costs as well as all of the money we’ve given to other people at their weddings (i.e it’s out turn)!

Any opinions would be greatly appreciated (please be as frank as possible). If we can’t sort this out then we may not have to worry about a wedding at all.

What’s Your opinion?


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Wedding etiquette in Canberra?
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Malay_Dragon 4:32 pm 31 Oct 11

My partner and I are organising our wedding at the moment, I am Asian and I do not think it is rude to ask for money as that is the custom, In some traditions it is customary to open the red packets in front of the guests and show everyone how much they gave, I have no intention of doing this, however the thought of tell my relatives that they should not give us money because it could offend some people when it is our custom is wrong.

My partner is western and he does not see a problem with asking for money as he understands its my family’s cultural custom. We would ask our guests that gifts are not expected however should you like to give a donation, red packets hsould be given to the mother of the bride as is my family’s custom.

Reading some of these posts has shocked me as I had never considered people would not understand our request for money.

However I do think that if any of my friends complained about our request that is apart of my culture I would reconsider uninviting them.

ex-vectis 10:23 am 19 Oct 11

Sorry Skidd, but I had to share this funny! I was reading the Riot-Act sidebar (‘Most popular’) and the cut-off point was just too funny!! I read this:-

My fiance & I are to wed in February next year. We’re currently making out…

My thoughts went along the lines of ‘too much information!!’ 🙂

peterepete 4:16 am 05 Oct 11

Erg0 said :

This is starting to sound like Xmas with my family, where everyone exchanges gift cards of equal value…

I like it. Thats what i all a spirit of celebration! Do you do it by post or physically get together?

No doubt about it putting lots of people together for an event such a wedding will bring the differences out. No amount of etiquette will solve that. Just try identify the different feelings and do your best to help those who prefer a different approach. You cant please everyone but the guests that care about you will get over it.

bethybobs 4:57 am 04 Oct 11

I personally prefer if the bride and groom make their preferences known. It is way less stress for me. I am happy to give cash or a gift but would rather they be happy with what I give them. The weddings I have been to recently, either the bride or groom has been Asian so money was the expected and the stated gift suggestion.
For my own wedding I plan not to request gifts but that if people wish to give money they can in the Chinese red packet style or give a gift ( I will leave a list with my mother) as I know some older relatives will want to do that. I don’t view it as tacky. If my guests are like me they will be happy for the guidance and if not then I don’t mind if I get no gift at all. Especially since some people will be traveling to get to my wedding.

toriness 7:57 pm 02 Oct 11

MissChief said :

jakez said :

MissChief said :

Gift registries so much worse than wishing wells.

In my mind, the most bogan disrespectful discourteous thing that happens with weddings these days is when friends are invited but their partners are not. I just find the whole idea of being invited to a celebration of love and unity without your significant other mean spirited.

Yeah sucks when someone the bride and groom don’t know isn’t invited to their wedding at a cost of $100+. RUDE!

Yes, Jakez, RUDE! Because it shouldn’t be about money. Inviting someone’s wife/ husband/ fiancé/ boyfriend/ girlfriend along, whether you know them or not, is just common courtesy and even more relevant when you’re inviting them to an event which is about partners.

If you can’t afford to invite a friend’s partner to your swanky affair, better to invite less people or have a less swanky affair. It’s the decent thing to do.

+1000

i RSVPed no to a wedding (of a friend of many years) because my partner (of several years) wasn’t invited. i made up an excuse of already being away to not hurt said friend’s feelings – a shame she didn’t consider my feelings in the same way. yes yes i realise that there are people like jakez who think the big day is all about them but the fact is unless you elope and get hitched just you and your other, it’s actually a shared celebration with family and friends so you should actually consider carefully how you go about it!

it *is* a privilege and an honour to be invited to share a nice inclusive day that’s centred around a celebration of love and partnership but if you run a nazi regime bogtastic wedding including not inviting guests’ partners and outright demanding cash/gifts (the comment re grabbing cash for a house deposit is the most gob smacking) – then don’t be surprised if people have something more appealing to do like clipping their toenails.

OzBroz 5:56 pm 02 Oct 11

Middle ground? Put something like ‘we dont want your presents, just your presence’ and if people ring and ask you can have your list of desires or cash and they can choose. I know there is a great divide between people who like to give a gift or who really dont know what to get and happy to give some cash (and with a wishing well, even aunty ethel can put $10 in and feel good).

Personally I dont see the big deal with whether to have a wishing well or not, i have been to weddings with and without and it all works out, at the end of the day, no one really notices or cares, you and her might but its cos you are in the thick of wedding planning, but all in all, your friends and family are there to share your day and have a good time, and those with a polarised opinion will just do what they want anyway…

So long as you have a brilliant fun day and at the end of it your married!!!! thats the main thing. you two need to talk it over, this is what relationships are all about, and a bit of compromise and middle ground goes along way, from the both of you (not just one of you)

Good Luck!! I’m sure it will all work out

BethiePrice 2:23 pm 30 Sep 11

When I got married we wrote a poem ourselves about wanting just peoples company on the day that was gift enough. Of course if people gave us a gift we were grateful, because it wasn’t expected. We did have a reception were people had to pay for their spirits (we supplied champagne and a bar tab). And to top off that we were grateful for people coming to our wedding we gave them all a $1 scratchie!
I see both sides of the argument, I agree that it is borderline rude and if you are going to ask for cash you might as well ask the bridal party to pay for everything as well.
Perhaps Mrs-to-be needs to consider how she would feel if the roles were reversed…would she like to be told that it’s a cash only gift….
“I need a dollar, a dollar is all i need!”

milkman 2:06 pm 30 Sep 11

Jim Jones said :

Watson said :

Jim Jones said :

Watson said :

Jim Jones said :

EvanJames said :

Watson said :

As I said before, all you really need to get married is the celebrant.

And chairs with dresses on.

Bar tab

Case of VB not good enough for you, is it? :p

I’m pretty easy-going, but VB … no way.

If you chip in a 50, I’ll get you something classier?

To be honest, I’d quite happily pay for liquor at a wedding. It’s the only way to survive the experience.

If you dislike it that much, why attend at all?

Jim Jones 12:38 pm 30 Sep 11

Watson said :

Jim Jones said :

Watson said :

Jim Jones said :

EvanJames said :

Watson said :

As I said before, all you really need to get married is the celebrant.

And chairs with dresses on.

Bar tab

Case of VB not good enough for you, is it? :p

I’m pretty easy-going, but VB … no way.

If you chip in a 50, I’ll get you something classier?

To be honest, I’d quite happily pay for liquor at a wedding. It’s the only way to survive the experience.

Watson 11:03 am 30 Sep 11

Jim Jones said :

Watson said :

Jim Jones said :

EvanJames said :

Watson said :

As I said before, all you really need to get married is the celebrant.

And chairs with dresses on.

Bar tab

Case of VB not good enough for you, is it? :p

I’m pretty easy-going, but VB … no way.

If you chip in a 50, I’ll get you something classier?

Jim Jones 10:22 am 30 Sep 11

Watson said :

Jim Jones said :

EvanJames said :

Watson said :

As I said before, all you really need to get married is the celebrant.

And chairs with dresses on.

Bar tab

Case of VB not good enough for you, is it? :p

I’m pretty easy-going, but VB … no way.

Watson 10:10 am 30 Sep 11

Jim Jones said :

EvanJames said :

Watson said :

As I said before, all you really need to get married is the celebrant.

And chairs with dresses on.

Bar tab

Case of VB not good enough for you, is it? :p

Jim Jones 9:54 am 30 Sep 11

EvanJames said :

Watson said :

As I said before, all you really need to get married is the celebrant.

And chairs with dresses on.

Bar tab

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