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Family divorce advice in Canberra?

By willofyass - 16 August 2012 46

Looking for some advice, have been married for 5 years, have a boy together who is 9 no property as we rent and no cash to divide however she wants to get back with her ex boyfriend in Cairns QLD (who they have a kid together) and has told me she is taking our boy and nothing i can do bout it I cant see this going anywhere without solicitors but any good advice would be of most welcome

I am great dad and provide 100% for my lad she is good too but just wants to get back with ex and nothing i say is changing her mind.

What’s Your opinion?


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46 Responses to
Family divorce advice in Canberra?
Holden Caulfield 10:14 am 16 Aug 12

willofyass said :

Thanks guys, she is now not talking to me because i told her i got legal advice which i think is fare legal told me that she cant do it i guess she cant see that its going to cost allot of money

Good luck mate. You’re facing a world of pain. I hope, somehow, you can find a workable solution.

YeahBuddy 10:09 am 16 Aug 12

Olivia Gesini from Farrar Gesini and Dunn – worth every cent and specialises in out of court settlements these days I have heard.

Go to the Family Court or Federal Magistrates court websites; they publish some judgements and you should be able to get a good idea from recent decisions on how the whole relocation thing works.

Good luck

willofyass 10:07 am 16 Aug 12

Thanks guys, she is now not talking to me because i told her i got legal advice which i think is fare legal told me that she cant do it i guess she cant see that its going to cost allot of money

colourful sydney rac 10:05 am 16 Aug 12

I would normally agree that talking to the other party would be the best thing to do – however, from the scant information provided that doesn’t sound like a valid option.

I made the mistake of thinking thigs could be done amicably with my ex and was blissfully unaware of many of my rights, which had a detreimental effect on my relationship with my child.

This is why I recommend to anyone going through a situation like this to get legal advice as the first step.

Nyssa, sorry to hear you had a bad experience with the firm I recommended, I found them to be responsive and professional in all my dealings with Geoff.

dtc 10:02 am 16 Aug 12

This is a fairly common situation, in that people divorce and one wants to live somewhere other than Canberra. Lawyers will be able to tell you your rights and your options pretty easily; but like everyone says its much cheaper and much more effective to resolve the issues by agreement than by coercion.

However, it can be useful in discussions to know what your rights are, just in case.

There is at least one family law specialist firm in town

Kurrajong 9:55 am 16 Aug 12

Sounds like some mediation is needed to allow you both to talk this through and identify the cause of her decision and see if things are reconcilable.

If she is determined to leave, then prepare for a divorce to occur. A failed partnership is no place to raise a child.

Having been through this, my advice is to never ever put your child in the position of the pawn in the game, nor berate your partner to your child.

Secondly, try to agree with your partner to always keep lines of communication open between you and never let anger be your motivation. Vent your anger elsewhere.

Even if it means making some hard decisions and accepting some unpalatable realities what is important is to set a great example for your child and act in their best interest.

Involving lawyers, even where the parties are agreed, can be costly. Our total cost was maybe $500 because we did the paperwork ourselves. The Family Court have duty solicitors who can provide you with the material to draft up your own paper work and I believe there is a counselling mediation service. But try and agree sensibly and maturely with your ex what is best for the child and how access may work.

I have seen parents in court every school holidays fighting about access (and the kids despise it), and parents who only communicate with notebooks that are sent with the child. Children who live time about with parents end up being chattels living out of suitcases. Give them the opportunity for stability and access on agreed terms and they will love you for it. Meanwhile, also expect them to be angry at having brought them into this world to a failed marriage.

Good luck and may both of you work hard at making this difficult time work for you both as best as possible and be the best possible example to your child. Love can be provided in many ways.

nyssa1976 9:54 am 16 Aug 12

For starters, don’t contact Mazengarb Barralett or the Lone Fathers. I’ve just come out of 2 years in the FC, self represented thanks to useless lawyer at above firm, and as a child didn’t see my dad until I was 18. I’ve experienced all sides of the FC.

You will be told by the Family Relationships Centre that you will need to go to mediation first. Do that. There are fees attached but it is based on both your incomes. Once that is organised you may well save yourself thousands in formalising a parenting plan through mediation than to go through the nightmare that is the FC. When I say nightmare, I mean it. I don’t want to scare you but it’s like this: Constant adjournments based on BS, people lying under oath and getting away with it, children put at risk by ignorant lawyers who just want to make a buck, family court report writers who meet you and your child for 1 hour and make a determination based on that despite the fact you have a GP, teachers etc who could back you up.

Most FC magistrates will not listen to a 9yo without an ICL (Independent Children’s Lawyer) as the child isn’t old enough in the courts eyes to make a decision, but most of the ICLs are rubbish too. However, in my own case they listened to an 8yo (but there was DV and FV).

Speak to the Family Court Relationships Centre (their number is on the FC website). Get mediation. Once you have done this and the ball is rolling, IF your spouse takes the child interstate, she will be made to come back with the child.

Keep a record of EVERYTHING, even the things you think are insignificant. If you have it in writing that she will take your child and there’s nothing you can do about it, keep that too.

Solidarity 9:47 am 16 Aug 12

So your son, who has his mates here, his school, his life here suddently has to pack up and move away, leaving his father behind, simply cause him mum “feels like it” ?

Sounds like a crock to me. I wouldn’t let him go anywhere, she says theres nothing you can do about it, wait a second, can’t you just say he’s staying here and theres nothing she can do about it? I don’t understand women sometimes.

bergamot 9:41 am 16 Aug 12

The Law Society would also be a good place to start to find out your rights.

Thumper 9:40 am 16 Aug 12

From experience, avoid solicitors and legal eagles at all costs.

They just hoover the money from you and in the end pretty much resolve nothing.

colourful sydney rac 9:40 am 16 Aug 12

Sorry Harvyk1, could not disagree with you more. The first point of call should be to get some legal advice.

harvyk1 9:36 am 16 Aug 12

A friend of mine who’s ex lives in tassie, he travels down there fairly frequently to see his son, and his son travels to Canberra relatively frequently as well, so it can work.

steveu 9:36 am 16 Aug 12

+1 lone fathers. Call Barry 0417 668 802. Lawyer should be able to tell you how u can get a interim order to prevent child being taken interstate. At the end of the day if she wants to leave, the son will have to settle into new school, new friends etc. and this isn’t good. Stick up for the rights of your child. Ask him what he wants too- he is at an age where his view has bearing.

harvyk1 9:34 am 16 Aug 12

Whilst I certainly can’t speak from experience (although I have sadly seen a few friends go through them), the courts tend to side with the mother in almost all cases, and lawyers will happily take what meager money you have left afterwards. So avoid at all costs, because it probably won’t end up a happy outcome for you.

So I strongly recommend you sit down with her and discuss how things will work in regards to access rights when she does move. Accept that it’s going to happen one way or another, so make it work. It could be that you negotiate for you to be able to travel up to Cairns on a regular basis and you both split the costs, and it could also be that you negotiate that your son will travel down to Canberra on a regular basis during school holidays.

Basically be an adult about this, especially whilst you two are still on speaking terms.

Just finally, there are now men’s services out there who specialise in providing advise about such things. If you can’t reach an agreement with your ex, they may be the next port of call before getting legal.

colourful sydney rac 9:27 am 16 Aug 12

Based on the limited information you have given, she is incorrect when she states that there is nothing you can do about it. You need to act fast, ie today.

You should be aware that your child support payments willl be based on the amount of contact (access) you have with your son. Should she move to Queensland, you will be hit with the doubly whammy of not seeing your child, and paying the maximum assessable based on your income.

I would strongly reccommend Geoff Mazengarb – (02) 6230 0199. If you have a very limited income either go to legal aid or the lone fathers association.

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